I am in love with someone who is married. He and I have known each other for many years. He loves me, but will not end his marriage. I think about my life and a life without him seems pointless. I know all that people say about women like me, but they need to blame the man too. I am lonely and he knows this. He wont leave because he has two teen children who would never accept us together. I know, hes probably lying.
I am beautiful, intelligent and talented. I have alot to offer someone but I am trapped by my love for him. I want to die...I just want to die now. I know it would kill my kids but the thought of this endless affair is so hopeless that I feel like this is my only way out. Im sick I think..and really need inpatient treatment for depression but thats impossible if someone is to pay the bills. What can I do? I often want to drive in front of a truck when I see them, or jump into the river. Why do I think I am so worthless? Why doesnt anyone else want to date me, or marry me so I could focus on them instead of this selfish man. I am so desperately in love that I just want it to end. Why do people hurt each other? Yes I am hurting his family but I am not the one committed to them. They have no idea about us nor would I ever want that. How can I escape him...sometimes I wake up sobbing because I dream of him. I pray to God to make me stop dreaming about him and to remove this love from my heart. I just feel so dirty and worthless...I am trapped in my own personal h***. Please tell me what to do.