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Scared
I do not like myself. I can not see anything good about myself. I feel as though I am a waste and a burden to everyone. I am afraid to die but I no longer want to exist. Why should I? I am ugly, fat, stupid, afraid, mousy, poor, worthless, and alone. I tried to take care of those that I think loved me, parents and fiancee, but I failed and they died anyway. Doubt he loved me anyway. I was just there already. I am done. Done pretending things are fine, done trying to be happy, done with people. They either want to outright hurt you, use you, and always leave in the end. I don't want to hurt anymore. I want it to stop. For once I want peace. Afraid of what is after death but I don't want to be me anymore. Instead of being disgusting, I would like to know how it feels to be pretty. Instead of being worthless, I would like to be worthy. Instead of being nothing, nevermind what's the use.
My parents are also dead. My fiancee married another man for money. The house where i leave is at stake. I am jobless. My health deteriorates . Just like you i am also fed up thinking things would finally turn out my side one day but same continues feeling of depression and what to do feeling everyday. No body to talk with,no body to walk with. Even i want to end this pain for ever i am also afraid what comes after death. Honey, people like you and me are born just to re pay what we did in our past life and some one up there is just watching the show with popcorn in his hand. All i want to say is that there are plenty of people like you and me who are dying everyday but no body cares . Afterall we are self absorbed bugs . I wish i could be there with you