Its a way to deal

When things get super hard, I turn to perscription drugs. I know this can be bad, I've had family members destroy their lives over it. But I lost my job a while back- just cut backs- nothing my fault, and I keep getting told I was "our second choice" for jobs. I've got a college degree, I'm a well qualified capable person- what's wrong with me? Last night I had 6 hydrocodone pills and 15 tylenol pm. Not enough to kill me, but enough to make me sleep for almost 24 hours. Everyone things I'm handling things so well- only you guys know how bad I really am. Someday I'm going to misscalculate and take enough to kill me, and a part of me isn't scared of that day.

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