I hate that disrespect you all the time... I love you so much.
My boyfriend is a pretty normal guy, nice to me when we're together, alone. But he kind of changes when we're with his friends. Not a huge amount, but just enough for me to notice. And a lot of the things that he does, he always worries about "what the boys will think of him for doing it", or "everyone does it this way, so that must be the right way". I love him to bits, but I feel like this kind of effects our relationship, or the way I see him.
Our relationship is one of the slow starters, whereas I've always been used to the big passionate relationship, with a quick ending. This relationship has lasted a bit more than a year, which is my longest.
I've never been really faithful to any of my boyfriends in the past. I've only ever cheated once, but my eyes and mind have always lingered and wandered. And I've been doing this with him a lot. I hate that I do it, and I really don't want to. But I still do. All the time! It never happens when I'm around him for a while, but he back in his hometown for summer, and I won't see him for 2 months. We call every second or third day, and txt everyday. Yet, I'm still looking at all these other guys, and thinking about them sexually.
I always feel so guilty whenever I do, because I know how much it would hurt my boyfriend if he ever found out, and I couldn't bear to put him through that kind of pain. Please give me advice. It this normal? Or do I really have no respect for him whatsoever?