I'm slowing become cold, evil, and disconnected
I confess that I've let life win. I've let the normal hardships that plague all of us that live comfortable, first-world lives beat me, and now I'm letting them change me as well.
I'm a young man of 19 and a very devastating, very painful and very disastrous break up this summer was the last straw for me. I'm a first year student in a top of the line private university and I have no financial issues, I have no health problems and I have a car.
But I'm just so...unhappy with the things I have in life. Material possessions mean nothing to me; I feel alone. I have friends, but they are JUST. Friends. They don't really seem to care about how I'm doing. For the life of me, no woman on the planet is interested in me for anything besides my eager desire to listen to them. I'm very sexually frustrated, and I've actually gone so low as to browse internet dating websites to look for women that want casual s** or want a friend-with-benefits. I've actually gone on Craigslist, for Christs' sake.
I've begun stealing. I look for things that I want, or possibly need, and if I can, I take them. I've never done this before...but lately, it's just something I've wanted to do and it's something I have done.
I'm letting my rage and my fury at my ex tear me apart. She screwed me over so hard, so much, for so long, that I genuinely wish for her to suffer. I want her to hurt and I want her to know that I think she deserves every bad thing in this world that happens to her.
I hate myself. I hate that I'm so alone. I hate who I've turned into, and I'm honestly contemplating putting a gun in my mouth and taking the easy way out.
Living is harder than dying.