I hear everything wrong

My doctor "diagnosed" me with EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified), I haven't told my family about this.

Whenever I'm over 116lbs and my mum tells me "I look really healthy" I hear, "you're too fat".

Whenever I'm under 112lbs and my mum tells me "you're too thin", I still hear, "you're not working hard enough"

My mum recently said to me that she KNEW I have never had a problem with food, I've never had an eating disorder- just a problem with the way people see me.

I KNOW I do... because my head wouldn't be this hellish place to live in if I didn't...

I wish I could sort out everything that I hear in my head... :(

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  • Oh and to prove my point..... take a long hard look at the girls around you that are your size and weight. They are cute and perky and have nice bodies don't they? Then ask yourself why you think yours is any different?

    It really does ALL revolve around being honest with yourself!

  • You will find that beating yourself up is just a form of justification for behavior you know deep down inside is wrong. Think about the gambler. Do you THINK he wants to win? NO... He HAS to loose. That way he can beat himself up for being the bad person. Self hate makes his bad decisions allright because he "really doesn't LIKE doing it".

    Think about that.....

  • Sounds pretty familiar to what goes on in my head. Self-esteem isn't something that happens instantly, especially if you're having issues with how you view your weight and body. It happens gradually over time. Try this: Every time you look in the mirror, tell yourself "I'm great", even if you don't believe it. Eventually, it'll start to sink in.

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