Can you hear me?
I want this chocking feeling in the back of my throat to disappear. I want this head throbbing to stop. It's like a roller costar of emotions. Almost like I can't just decide what I want. it’s been so long I feel like I’m crazy for caring still, I just want to stop, but I know if I do I’ll shut down again. I’ll go to 'sleep' and what if I never 'wake' up again. I want this water tearing feeling behind my eye lids to stop. I want my heart to stop feeling like its being engulfed by an invisible force. I just feel as though I could burst out of my body, and I want to just scream until my throat bleeds and my ears ring. I want these feelings to please, just go away. What I want more than anything is forgiveness and understanding. To have one moment to say face to face, what went wrong? To have closure I can't seem to find. I feel enraged and liberated. Why. I know you will never understand. I’m sorry.