The Seven stages of Grief.
Not everything is as it seems.
One: SHOCK & DENIAL. Check. At first I didn’t believe that it was happing, I thought I was dreaming. Then I lied to myself saying it wasn’t you who did it.
Two: PAIN & GUILT. Check. I was hurt so bad by what you did. I could hardly function, I felt like I had lost everything and at the time, I did.
Three: ANGER & BARGAINING. Check. You know what happened I got on the phone and started screaming at you. What happened, why someone so close to me would betray me and undermined me. Part of me died that day I won’t ever get back, I swear.
Four: DEPRESSION, REFLECTION, LONELINESS. Check. I considered all reasons. I fought the battle of staying sane. I contemplated suicide more than once. I wanted to be close to someone again, and denied most because I didn’t want to get close again in fear they would hurt me as bad as you. Still to this day, nobody has hurt and scared me as much as you did.
Five: THE UPWARD TURN: Check. Life eventually came back together. Friends and Family slowly moved back into my life, school returned, life moved on despite my want to go back.
Six: RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH: Check. A new way of life has instilled itself. A journey for me to find myself, my true other half, and the adventures of life waiting to unfold. Realizing people change, but prepared to undergo new opportunities and situations as well as battling the old in order to fight the demons that take over this time, because I can save at least one.
Seven: ACCEPTANCE & HOPE: Almost. I have forgiven you. Weather you deserved it, doesn’t matter. I am on track to accepting that you will never be a part of my life again, as much as it hurts me. I am trying to find hope, little signs perhaps beginning to show.
Worst part, is your not even dead.
Your just not a part of my life anymore.
There are times I still miss you, I wonder how much longer this will be. Maybe time does heal all wounds.