My boyfriend and I experienced the worst rough patch. It was really unhealthy and we probably should have broken up. We were fighting and screaming all the time, he broke things in our home in fit of temper and punched a hole in our bedroom door, he was emotionally abusive. He would call me names. Like the immature and cowardly b**** that I am, my way of coping was to have a short-lived affair, as well as a one-nighter with my ex.
Somehow we came out of it. He's been great. We're getting along great. I thought we would either be miserable forever and settle for each other unsatisfied with the relationship like so many do, or not be able to bear it anymore and eventually break up. Instead, there was a light at the end of the tunnel. We fell in love all over again. My god, it's possible! It can happen! I don't know if it's stubbornness or effort or fate or what but things are better than even when it was new.
Now I have to live with this terrible secret, the guilt, the shame, and the self-loathing. The man he is today - right now - does not deserve to be with a cheater and a liar.
How can I forgive myself?