The end of the line...

Yesterday I woke up as a confused 28 year old male with no idea what I was facing.

It started a few days before then, work had been very quiet and the lack of customers was putting the boss on edge. I had a feeling the business wasn't going to survive, he had the option of moving the business and running it out of his home to save money on rent. But he decided instead to make me, his only employee, redundant.

Months before that, my partner and I found out she was pregnant. We had been trying for almost 18 months and finally it had happened, we are both so excited.

Months before that I proposed to my girlfriend and she said yes. Yay, I'm getting married!

Today, it's my 29th birthday. I sit at work, with nothing to do around me. I'll be here for about another two and a half weeks. I have a couple of thousand dollars of credit card debt to pay off, which I should be able to do with the last of my pays. But I need to replace my old, slightly beaten up two-door car for something more baby friendly.

Soon I'll have no income, my partner will be on maternity leave which comes with a reduced income.

Usually we'd be fine on her wage. She earns much more than me. But there will be about two or three months where we will struggle to pay basic living costs.

That's not big deal really, I'm sure we'll be OK.

A few months into next year though, we're supposed to be getting married over-seas. We've booked and paid the deposits it's pretty much a sealed deal. But I doubt for this we'll have the money.

I don't want to give up anything. We've decided I'll be the stay at home parent when the baby comes, as looking for and getting a job may take months and even then I'll almost certainly not get paid as much as my partner.

But I feel so useless. I was counting on another five months of my job to pay things off and save some money. Now I wonder if we'll get through everything we've planned at all. I certainly hope we will. And together my partner and I have always pulled through.

I hope we don't fail this time.

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