Relationship or summerboy?

I have been with my girlfriend for four years now. She has left me for another girl three times, but I've always taked her back. She is the reason I have eating disoder, she's the reason I can't make real relationships anymore because I'm so afraid that they too will get tired of me and leave. But still, I love this girl. Or I think I do. It's more like, I love her but I don't know am I in love with her anymore.

Then there is this boy (I'm girl, bi-sexual, if anyone wonders). I just met him, my friend introduced us, and he's so great, funny, respects me and... Everything. He said to me when we were both drunk "it's really a shame that you are in a relationship...". After that I haven't been able to think anything or anyone else. But still I have wondered, that is some guy I just met really worth it? Three years is a long time, maybe I can make things with GF work.

I decided that well, I'll just be friends with this guy. About a week ago we were in a bar, just taking a few drinks and sharing life stories. We really connected, and after a few drinks more he kissed me. Too bad that I kissed back. A lot.

I'm so ashamed of myself now, I have always loathed cheating so much. I disgust myself.

Still I don't know what to do. Do I really want to throw my relationship away, just for what? A fling? Summer fun? I don't know anything anymore.

May 29, 2012

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  • Just have the fling, but keep it a secret. Life is too short to feel guilty.

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