My friend thinks I am a pig

I met a girl, not so good looking, but she took good care of herself, so she had a very pleasant appereance. She is not physically attractive by any means, but I've never cared so much about the looks.
I met her in October 2010 during a 3 day conference. Nothing special happened, and she became just another entry on my facebook friend's list. Never interacted online with her for like a year.
Fastforward to October 2011. We meet at the same conference, but this time, we spent all the time together. She would not get away from me. I thought it was kind of weird, but I am not attractive by any means, so I shrugged it off, and just kept being friendly.
One day after the conference ended, and we both returned to our respective cities, she started texting me. And so, we kept texting daily for like 2-3 months until the holidays. Good mornings and good nights included. During that texting I never made any kind of insinuation whatsoever. If anything it was her who insisted on coming to visit me to the city I am located, and talked about going with me during the holidays to my home country.
Anyway, then came the holidays. I go home, phone off the hook. I forget about everything. Two days after I left, she sent me a FB message asking how I was doing and yadda yadda. So I started talking to her again over facebook. Eventually, I got annoyed, and felt that it was not convenient to stay so close, since this was probably not going to lead to anywhere. So I deactivated my facebook account for a while, just to really clear my mind and actually take a break. One day later, she starts sending emails! So I thought, well, whatever and kept talking with her. Should have just stayed away of the internet hehe.
A common friend had asked if we wanted to join a trip with her, so we were all planning for that. But then I told this girl I didn't actually feel like going there. So she started suggesting she wanted to come to the city I locate at in the US, and that it was her first option for a spring trip. So I thought "Weird!" And I said, fine! Let's plan this. By the way, she was left very alone during the holidays, so I bought a book on Amazon and got it sent to her, just as a nice gesture.
A week later, I come back to the US, and I receive some pastery from her, so I told her thanks and whatever. Like one day later, she tells me she is having a lot of trouble, wants to leave her job, taking anti depressants, had a fight with her friend. A day later, she suddenly starts dodging my questions, not picking the phone. Managed to ask her about the anti-depressants thing over fb, and she got angry. Errr, so, whatever.
Then I lost my mind. I was never really really interested, but then I thought I was being silly, because she was into me, and I wasted an opportunity. So I freaked out! Managed to talk to her like a week later, and told her how I felt. She gave me a half-assed response saying "Well we used get along, I think at least we are good friends" So I didn't know what to make of that!!!!! So I left the thing alone. Still I tried to contact her, as a friend, but she seemed to be pushing me further away. Until one day, facebook announced "XXX is in a relationship" and I got, stupidly, p***** off.
I shouldn't have gotten p***** off, but I felt all that time she was just trying to mislead me. And then, when I came clean to her, I resented why she didn't just say she wasn't interested in more than a friendship! She left me hanging. The boyfriend turned out to be some "friend" she had mentioned before, but she never said he was his boyfriend!
I should have just let the issue alone right there, but I was p***** off for her not being honest. I told her she could've just said she had a boyfriend. Damn, I would've invited them both to a tour around the city I live! I am not that kind of guy who thinks he is entitled to a woman or anything. But I resented her not being honest, because I felt like she just enjoyed the attention, and would not tell the truth so that I stayed right there, drooling over her and giving her attention.
Later, I apologized. She never really apologized to me. She just said I misunderstood her. Being dishonest, apparently, was no fault at all. But whatever...
So I stopped writing for like two weeks. And then, I get a message from her. Just normal stuff, saying hi, and the like. So I thought that was nice, she actually wants to remain friends. So I replied, but then, when I asked stuff, like about her job, or well, pretty much anything I asked, she would dodge questions. Any kind of questions. However, she did ask my job, and stuff we used to talk about before, and I just answered. So whatever... I just thought it was weird.
Then came one day, I texted her, telling I was watching a sport event on a tv station from her country, and telling her how frequent was a specific sound in her language. And I started joking around that sound "shhh", like jokingly telling her to stay silent, and she laughed, or seemed to. And then she said "you know that's the sound they also use to help babies pee" And I just chuckled. A few days later I was bored at the office and wrote her "shhhh, almost there almost there" (we used to joke a lot during the first months of our "friendship" so I thought it wasn't a big deal, I thought we had that kind of confidence.) And she said "could we please be a little less informal". WTF! So I said, "sure, no problem, sorry if that offended you". And stopped writing her. Except, I felt resentful again, and deleted her off my list. and actually closed my account for a few days just to stop getting distracted by so much nonsense.
Fast forward like two months later. I told to myself I should make amends with her, so wrote her saying hi, and asking if we were cool, and saying that sorry if anything I said was offensive, and sorry for deleting her. And she told me not to worry, everything is fine, whatever. And then I proceeded to add her back on fb. However, after I sent her my request, she just blocked me! Huh! And I flipped!!! Why would she say everything is fine when it isn't??? Why would she f****** lie?! Why does she answer a stupid email if she doesn't want to have anything to do with me!? Now, I had tried to call her, because written communication can easily get misunderstood, but she never answered a phone call. I should have known from this that it wasn't a good idea to get in contact with her again.
And regretfully, like a couple days after she blocked me, I reacted. So I told her that I would get in touch with her in a few years, to check if she learned to speak her mind. That angered her lol, and a discussion over email started. In hindshight, this was quite incomprehensive to me, why would she argue with me if she doesn't want to have anything to do with me? She ended up saying she didn't want to talk to me because I always come up with offensive remarks. Mind boggling!!! I swear to god, my intention never was to insult anyone! I just wanted to make amends, but she just lied, and made me think we were ok, when we were not. She never took my point of view. I tried to look from her perspective. I can see how she just tried to be polite, but you can be polite without lying, or hiding your true intentions. Just ignoring my emails, all of them, would've done the job of getting rid of me, justified for whatever reason she thought I was unworthy of her friendship.
Still, although I resent her, I will take the blame. I feel I was wronged, but I also feel guilty as h***. I was under a lot of stress from my job, and actually was pretty lonely, so all of this kind of shocked my system. I regret my reactions, justified or not, I should have expected less...

Sorry if this was too long, but I needed to vent.


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  • Go write a book.

  • Geeze dude. This love dance you're performing with this girl is nauseating. Quit guessing, bouncing back and forth, up and down, inside and out. Lay it on the line.

    Make a move. Not just "I like you" but go for the triangle zone. Tap it. That's the only way of putting this sorry attempt at romance out of its misery and maybe moving onto something real.

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