When I was a young girl, I always dreamed of becoming a model. In particular, I wanted to become a cosplay model and wear cute outfits!! I told my parents that I loved cosplaying and wanted to move to Japan one day because I felt that it was my calling. My mom laughed. She said that being a model like that wouldn't pay the bills. Plus, in this world where there were girls who were more beautiful and cute than me, I didn't stand a chance. Rather, I should just focus on getting good grades and eventually settling down like any normal girl in society. I was sad; I really thought I could do it. But every time I dared to overstep what my mom thought was too much, she was quick to criticize me and my self esteem just fell through the years. I began to think I wasn't pretty enough. Even now, I'm afraid to enter a relationship because I'm scared that my boyfriend will find a prettier girl and leave me.
By the time I reached middle school, I developed stretch marks all around the back of my legs. I grew ashamed to wear skirts and shorts like other girls. I always felt that I had to wear long pants to hide my stretch marks because other people would laugh at them. If my friends asked why I never dressed like other girls, I just lied and said I was a tomboy; I didn't like skirts. But in truth, I really missed wearing skirts! I really want to be able to become a cute girl. But my self esteem is too low. Even if I can't become a cute cosplay girl, I just really wish that I could like myself now.