I'm so shallow

I still love my husband but no longer want to be intimate with him since he put on over 30kg/66lb.

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  • Nothing seems to get it throught to him. He's watched two grandparents suffer multiple strokes that left them more and more paralysed before finally killing them. He's watched one grandparent die of heart failure. One of his parents has diabetes. All of his family except one person are obese.

    I've voiced my concerns for him and talked about what it was like for him watching his grandparents die like that and what it's like for his parent with diabetes and the risks of his own lifestyle and simple changes he could make.

    I fear that nothing is going to get through to him, that his weight will just keep increasing and I'll have to watch him suffer diabetes,heart attacks, and strokes finally die an early death before he gets to walk his girls down the isle or meet his grand-kids.

  • "Diabetes, strokes and heart disease run in his family, I don't want that for him."
    Make it about that. It is about that. My uncle died last month from a stroke. He was overweight. My slightly overweight father is now really worried. He was never healthy, but now he eats vegetables for dinner, takes a walk every morning, drinks tea without sugar once a day instead of ten times a day with three heaped spoons.

    I'm just saying, if you love him, do help him avoid this. It kills, it kills, and sometimes it's so hard to see it kills until it does.

  • Thank you both.

    I cook healthier versions of his fav meals but he over eats and then goes to the store for a family size block of choc and 2.25litres of fizz every night. I keep the kitchen stocked with easy to pack things for his lunch but he then goes to the bakery for pies and energy drinks. He just wants to sit around watching TV. He just laughs when I ask him to come for a walk with me.

    He feels ashamed when I have to buy bigger clothes for him and when he can't 'finish' because he's run out of stamina, but it's not enough incentive for him to change his habits. Diabetes, strokes and heart disease run in his family, I don't want that for him.

  • Yeah you still love him so it means that your not shallow. Love is one thing, being turned on sexually is another thing entirely.

  • Tell him the truth. 66lbs is a lot of weight, it is unhealthy and unattractive. Tell him the truth, but be nice about it. Offer to help him eat better, and offer to go to exercise with him. The fact that you still love him means you are not shallow. If you stopped loving him because he was fat, that would be shallow.

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