Just need help on this one!
I guess, this isn't so much a confession, more something I truly need advice on, but don't know who to talk to. You see I was with my boyfriend for almost three years when he cheated on me, we broke up but I never truly moved on. Recently we mutally decided to give things another go, I love him and I know we can rebuild our realtionship and trust, my problem is that I just can't bring myself to be intimate with him again. Can this really work out? He say's he's fine with taking things slowly and waiting, I can't help but have this nagging voice in my mind telling me if we don't start being intimate soon, he'll go find it elsewhere. Is it me being stupid? Any help would be appriciated!May 17, 2012
Do it when you are ready. If he loves you he will stay with you.
You are not being stupid. Your first instinct is to protect yourself, as you should. Cheating hurts. It destroys the trust between two people. Forgiving and forgetting are two different things. It won't work if you continually punishing him, or are constantly jealous or suspicious of his every action. At some point you have to let go and trust again. You can't pick up where the relationship left off, you have to start anew..You both need to agree to work on things on your own and together. Maybe couples counseling could help get over this hurdle. **..when you're ready, you'll let him know. There shouldn't be a time limit. And if he's not willing to wait, then you know this relationship is not right.
You will always question his actions, if he is late you will wonder where he is, who he is with. If you even see him talking to another girl you will question why. Unless you feel that you can fully commit to trusting him again you will end up back with breaking up. Sometimes it is better to find your own way than return to something familiar. It is your decision and you must feel comfortable with it.
speaking from personal experience after cheating and taking someone back is just NEVER the same. You're always asking yourself, what is he doing, where he is at, who is he talking to ect ect. Those thoughts go away as time goes by. If both of you decided to give it a try, take your time and don't rush into having ** just yet. If he wants the relationship to work he will have to wait until YOU are ready.
I can tell you, again, from personal experience you start asking yourself. I wonder what he did to her, were, how often and sometimes in the middle of **. He can't be mad at you for wanting to take your time, besides you didn't cheat he did. If he doesn't wait or says you are taking your time in forgetting about it, then he is not the man you want. Whatever you do, do not have a baby.. Children don't save relationships.
I hope this helps you, wish you the best. Is a very difficult journey after cheating has occur.