I feel awful

18 years ago a close friend of mine got married, By close I mean we were college room mates and kind of drifted apart after college but still got together once or twice a month but then she and her husband moved 8 hours away. I went to the wedding and was having a blast, No idea what time it was but I was outside getting some air and cooling off when her new husband came around the corner, We were laughing and talking, I had known him for a few years since they met and he was really nice.
I may have had my issues back then and went through a stage where I did some things I am not proud of but this more than any other, Were were drunk, Like stupid drunk and he made a comment about my low cut dress which, Yes it was super low cut but I never had any b**** back then, Literally just a bump with a nipple ( I was five feet even and a hundred pounds) until I got pregnant but anyway he made a comment about it, I said some stupid s*** about his last chance to see any b**** other than hers and somehow that progressed.
I still have no idea how someone didn't walk up on us because we were right behind the hall but I sat down, He basically grabbed my head, I pulled my dress to my waist and he...F'ed my mouth, Came so hard he hit my tonsils, I gagged, Pulled back and let him finish on my chest, He pinched my nipples while I peeled off my panties (Only other thing i had on besides my dress) to wipe off with, I pulled my dress back up, He stood me up and turned me around and I bent over the picnic table and pulled my dress up, He did me from behind and came in me while pinching my nipples. I always thought he was a great guy but the way he treated me was...Out of character as he did me from behind he pinched my nipples really hard telling me what a dirty s*** I was and how I would never be anything other than a skinny little f*** toy, He whispered about how flat I was, How I had no ass, How my legs were too skinny and basically talked down about my entire body.
I was bent over, Him in me from behind holding my hair with one hand, Pinching my nipple with the other and he said let go of my nipple, Said "Well, At least your tight as f***" and slid his thumb in my bum, I tensed up and started crying and said "Ow, Ow, Don't it hurts" and that was when he flipped, One hundred percent change in his personality and he became super nice, Apologizing not only for f****** me but for treating me rough, He said he had heard from one of my ex's that I liked to be degraded which I denied and then he tried to convince me I was beautiful but by that time I was too heavily in regret for what I had done with my friends new husband that it didn't matter.
He went back inside, I went to my room and left before seeing her again, I never spoke to her face to face after that until today, I was shopping for groceries and was on my way out of the store, She was on her way in. We both stopped and looked at each other and she hugged me, We talked, She had been on her way through town and stopped for some snacks for the kids, We had a short talk and promised to get together some time then hugged and walked away, I rounded the corner headed to my car and he was standing there getting stuff out of the trunk of their car, He instantly recognized me, I recognized him and we had a short, Pleasant talk then I left.
I went home and obviously all the memories came back, I still feel awful to this day.

Nov 9, 2018

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  • They won't be together all that long getting married when they were young and dumb. Don't sweat it, we all do stuff when we are young.

  • I like small t****** and no ass. Why don't you come over so I can f*** you.

  • But I don't know which country you live in?

  • Why feel awful. It's in the past. You cant change it. It was what it was.

  • Yes but u wanted his c*** on the wedding day.

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