My Boyfriend

I am madly in love with a man that I met three months. I have let myself fall so deeply in love with him that it sickens me. I have no idea how it happened, but I couldn't ask for anyone better at this point. With that being said, he recently started an internship and has been gone to Europe for the past month and won't return until mid-August. When he returns, I plan on meeting him at the airport and to spend the weekend with him... That's assuming I don't break up with him before the plane lands. As of late, I've noticed a change in my personality. I feel so attached to him, so needy, and it's driving me insane. I'm not the type of guy to be clingy... Or maybe I am, and this is my rude awakening. Regardless, my behavior has to change. I've been so rude to him and always bring his mood down to match my own because of my jealousy of his out-of-the-world experiences and lack of expressed-need for me. I also have an underlying fear that he will find someone else while he's there, maybe not in the country, but someone better to return home to. He's told me countless times that he wants nobody but me, but I still find it hard to believe. This man is my first love, and though I'm not his, I couldn't imagine anyone better to call mine. I just wish that he were back. His absence makes such a world of difference to my personality and I hate that. I hate having to constantly remind myself that I don't need him, that I'm just as strong now as I was before he left. Though I used to be obsessed with having the attention of other men, I've attempted to change it due to his presence in my life. I'm afraid that if I don't change soon, I'm going to end up pushing him out of my life for good, and that's not what I want. I want to grow old with this man, at least that's what I think I want...

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