Why do i...

It's probably because you don't know how to handle the disagreements with your boyfriend. I think I've gone through the same thing you are. I loved my boyfriend. I'd never felt like I'd loved anyone as much as him before. But when we had arguments I wasn't sure how to react and I seeked positive things through other guys who were willing to give positive compliments. I got scared though when it got too flirty. You should be careful after you find the right way to deal with it. But tell talk to your boyfriend about how you feel. Tell him about how sad or upset you can get from your arguments. Try and make up with him as soon as it's over and tell him you just need him to flirt with you sometimes. Or get that thrill of having someone adore you back in your life.

Stop being a dumb c*** and a w****.