I have feelings for a co-worker. Her husband works at the same place.

I have to confess something.

I am a married man. I have been so for 11 years. I am in my upper 30s.

Six years ago I started to work in a different division of the company I work for. That is when I saw her. She was (is) very beautiful. The first thing I thought when I saw her is, "I need to be careful around her."

Over the years I have been able to keep this crush of into the back of my mind. She never caught on. I was safe. Then one day I was looking at her and she caught me. For five years I was undercover, but, now I am exposed. But she looked back. Then I would catch her looking back. There were days I would see her stare at me in a reflection in plexiglass. Now my crush is getting stronger.

This glance/glance back thing has been going on for about two years. In that time I added a son to my family (5 kids in all). She got engaged to her boyfriend of 5 or six years, married, and had a son, also.

This game continued. Finally she began to withdraw. She deleted me off her Facebook and for awhile tried to avoid me. But it always seems to come back to the glance/glance back game. My feelings for her are so strong. I think of her more than my wife.

In the last few months, her husband (who also works in the same building) quit being so nice to me. He won't even look at me. I think she may have told him about what has been going on.

My feelings for her are still very strong.

I wish I would have met you, TM, before we met our spouses. I would rather be with you than anybody.

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  • The thing is nothing has been going on if you handled it better you could hav got into her nickers

  • I farted!

  • Thank you all for taking the time to post a response. I really do appreciate it. I did choose this as a place to vent. This is a safe place where no body that knows me would likely see it.

    There are so many barriers in place that it would be really hard to pursue her. One of them being that her husband works in the same building. Of course that is if we both wanted to. I am not 100% sure she shares these feelings in the first place. I would place it at about 85% sure.

    There is a lot more to this than I mentioned. But for the record, I am not a creepy stalker. Just somebody who is having a difficult time dealing with a deep attraction.

    The kids are one of the barriers I have mentioned along with spouses, friends, family, co-workers, etc. I can't deny that if I had a chance it would be hard not to pursue. So, again, I thank you for your responses.

    Anonymous Poster

  • According to wbc press release, they are planning on being there. But, that does not mean we will see them. I assume they will eithr b at the Church or cemetary or both. I was thinkn about goin somewhere close to the cemetary anyway. Look it up on fb.

  • You've got one, two, 3, four, five children and you are letting your idiot self lead you around like a dog. Get real and join the REAL world before you do something stupid. 6 slaps to the face for you.

  • Tricky... the first commentor, i'm not sure i agree with... this seems like a fairly innocent "flirty" thing that the pair of you had just to maybe pass time, or at least that might have been how she saw it.
    The second commentor, i agree witht he theory that maybe she was just looking at you because you were looking at her... psychologically, we're geared to imitative behaviour in certain respects, you give attention you recieve attention etc etc ("observing a partical automatically effects its behaviour" kinda thing)
    Personally, i would advise you let it go. You have a family, and it seems as though she's trying to start her own. You flirt with glances, maybe, yeah, but then out of work you carry on wit your lives just fine it seems... you had another child, she got engaged... this strikes me as one of those "summer romances" or "spring break buddy" things that you american are so fond of in your movies xD just a flirt of convenience.
    She may have told her fiance in hopes of strengthening their relationship, being entirely honest with him as they set off on a journey to make their own family etc., and deleting you from facebook and such doesnt necessarily means she's feeling guilty because she actually feels for you genuinely, it could simply just be a gesture of her moving on from silly games as she and her fiance enter a serious stage in their lives.
    If you really feel as strongly as you say, and you're not simply suffering from rose tinted glasses, then speak to her... but consider what youd be doing to your own family, and what you might be doing to her hopes of her own future family with the man she's marrying

  • You're probably misunderstanding the situation. She probably glances at you because you stare at her. She probably deleted you off her facebook because you creep her out, and her husband probably doesn't like you 'cause she told him you're the creep that stares at her at work. Just sayin'.

  • Completely agree with this comment. It's a game, but you're the only player. It doesn't sound like she's ever flirted back. She may have just been polite to smile back at you when she caught you looking because you two work together. You have built her up so much in your own mind, it's clearly become an obsession that will never happen. You are infatuated with her and she doesn't really know you other than you are the co-worker that stares at her all the time. Obviously, she doesn't feel the same way about you. Removing you from facebook is a pretty big signal that she wants nothing to do with you. Your staring is making her uncomfortable. You should really look into your obsessive ways and turn that energy towards your job and your marriage before you lose both.

  • You need to talk to her. I'm not suggesting that you swarm her or smother her, or confess your undying love for her. Just speak with her and let her know you are attracted to her, drawn to her, find her interesting, whatever: use your words and explain your reason for reaching out to her. Right now, you assume (or merely hope) there's something mutual, even if its not equivalent. The two spectrum end-points -- your best case and worse case -- are not to be frightened of, because they are both clarifying.

    If she's interested, then great: she feels the same, and the two of you can work on that, assuming of course (a rather sizable assumption, given how little you know of her) that you discover she's tolerable to be around. If she's not interested, or if she's offended, then she will say so, and you can eliminate her from the realm of fantasy that she currently occupies in your mind and in your life. There's nothing better or worse that can possibly happen.

    It's not calculus, and it's not complicated, but you have to get resolution on this, in one way or another. Because you CANNOT, whether or not you want to, waste any more of your life (six years is approximately five years and 300 or so days too long) pining over a woman you may or may not want to be with and who may or may not want to be with you.

    It is now time for you to -- as they say where I come from -- s*** or get off the m***********' pot.

    Good luck.

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