I'm a fourteen year old girl.
Ever since I was really little, I liked girls.
I didn't know I wasn't supposed to.
Now I know.
I am disgusted by the thought of having s** with a guy.
I want to have s** with a girl.
To have a relationship with somebody like me.
I am disgusted by myself.
Nobody knows that I'm a lesbian.
Fifth grade was the worst year for me.
I was a tomboy and had no interest in finding a boyfriend.
People made fun of me and spread rumors about me, so I changed quickly.
I fixed the way I looked and acted.
I dressed girlier, played with other girls, grew my hair out, etc- all to hide what I was so ashamed of.
I'm going into high school now, and I think I need to come out.
I shouldn't be embarassed about my sexuality.
But I am.
I am surrounded by discrimination and hatred towards people like me.
They say I will go to H*** for being this way.
The wrong way.
I wish with all of my heart that I could be straight, be happy with a boy, be able to love and appreciate a boy.
I'm just not able to.
I didn't choose this!
I don't want to be different!
I don't want to have to deal with all of this.
But I'll have to.
This is who I am.
How I was made.
And I will deal with all of the discrimination and hatred.
I will put up with it for my happiness.
There's a decision I have to make that may change my life.
I am scared of the day I have to make that decision.