I just weighed myself, I'm down to 7 stone (99 pounds). I thought this would be enough but it's not. I still feel fat. I still cut myself nearly every time I eat. I still don't have a flat stomach. Sure I'm boney, but not in the right places.
I'm cold all the time, and tired. I get depressed a lot, and have taken the day off work because I just couldn't face it. But it will be worth it if I can go out in a bikini.
People tell me that I've lost weight, that I'm skinnier. But I don't see it. It makes me feel like a liar and a fraud, so I lose more. Sometimes I stop and think, 'what am I doing?' I look at myself and see bones, and am disgusted. But next time I'll look at myself and see rolls of fat, and am disgusted even more.
I don't consider myself to have a disorder, or to be anorexic. I don't think I'm skinny enough to be anorexic, and as far as a disorder goes, that's a word for people who aren't in control. I am in control.