STUCK ON HIM , True love or Stupidity?

When I was in first year high school, I had a boyfriend and we lasted for only 3 Months. It was not that serious, we were 14 then and it was a childish relationship with a small hint of intimacy. We didn't talk after the break up. After 3 years (17 y.o), we became classmates and started over again as normal friends who just knew each other. We are seatmates and we had a lot of time to know each other. I had a boyfriend that time, but I fell in love with my ex. That was the time I truly fell in love with him. I broke up with my current boyfriend and did not let my ex know that he was the reason. I don't want my ex to know that I want every piece of him. I never saw him as my ex but someone who I have just known and I just kept my love as a secret. It's just that I don't want him to know because I feel that he doesn't want to get back with me. I know his bad side though, but I still want him. Okay so I remained single after that because it is still him. He never left my heart and my mind.After 3 years again (20 y.o), we saw each other again and he apologized to me for all his wrong doings when we were in a relationship back then because we never talked about being "exes" when we became classmates. So I told him it was nothing we were very young then. I told him that I broke up with my boyfriend for him because I fell in love with him. He was stunned and was saddened. If only I had told him, WE COULD HAVE CELEBRATED our 3rd Year anniversary as couples by now. :( He feels the same way before. We fell in love at the wrong time. Okay so HE have a girlfriend now. We never talked about it. We just talked of ourselves and little by little, we became intimate. FIRST HUG, FIRST KISS, and other FIRSTS happened just now. now that we are 20. Yes, I am a bad person because I know that he has a girlfriend. But I loved him so much that my morality was distorted. I told some of our friends about it because I need to let it out. I think he became mad at me because I ruined his image as a guy with a boyfriend. :( I didn't mean to do that. he just stopped talking to me without any warning. without any reason. he cut me off in an instant. It has been 3 months since we last talked and there is never a single day that I didn't think about him. Every night I sleep he haunts my mind. I am hurt every time I think about the fact that he will never be mine.:( Am I too stupid to be carried away by my emotions? he is the best liar I know but I believed at every word he said. I can't move on. I cannot forget him. :(

Yes, call me b****, s***, or whatever because I kissed my ex for the first time who has a girlfriend now. I will accept it. and nope, we never had s**. I love him so much that only being with him makes me happy. I look at him with no trace of l***.

Should I forget him? Should I fight for him? The pain is getting worse.

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