I'm an 11 year old and already depressed!!!

First things first. I'm depressed because my parents are racist, but more that I'm going to Mark Twain I.S. 239. Everybody says it's a good school and every single piece of crap about it, but it's not. I'll explain more later. Now, onwards!
I remember in February, taking that talent test. I took science and computer/math as my two talents. And lucky me, I got into science. If it had to be Mark Twain IS 239, then at least make it computer/math! I also remember praying "I's computer/math or nothing".
So in 5th grade during May, we received the letters. It was a rainy day, and I waited until my mom came(she was about 14 min. late)to pick me up. My friend also hung by until I opened the letter (my teacher said that it was addressed to our parents, not to us). And sure enough, it said "Mark Twain I.S.239 ..." and that s***(I also noticed I've been swearing much more lately). My mom is a f*cking bragging boaster. She went around the school telling everybody that I got into Mark Twain, so I got mobbed while the other 5 kids that got in too were staying cool. I got sick of saying "thanks!", or "thank you" to every person that congratulated me by the end of the second day.
The summer was depressing, since my mom is always so scared that something is going to happen to me or that I'm going to learn to be 'bad'. So she won't let me go to any of my friend's houses. I ended up on my computer for the whole summer. But at least I could use Google voice and chat with them online. Not as good, but I stayed OK like that.
But when school starts, it's a different story. All the teachers are so literal. And they're so specific. I would have spent 30 bucks on supplies, but no, that's not enough for the teachers. They had to rip us off by saying on the supply list "marble notebooks" and "3-ring binders". It's unclear how many notebooks and binders you need, so everybody just stocked up. And then they say "We're using different color binders for each class. That way, you'll know what binder belongs to which class." Just f*ckin' buy one big one and divide it with dividers, mother of gods!!! So supplies ended up costing more than 60 bucks. They're even specific on which material you need your folders to be!!! I said "What the f***!!!". The only teacher that doesn't want s*** is the english literacy teacher (the downside: she's a telepathic psychic).
My family's defiantly a few ends short of the average family, so I don't spend their money on crap. Mark Twain's staff is probably hoping more kids are buying from Staples, so that they get some more s***. But they said "a new iPad for every Mark Twain student". There were 450 children in each grade. Imagine getting that much (Would be near $340,000)! Crazy? Absolutely. Funky? Absolutely.
So after school on the second day, though I was tired, I couldn't sleep, and just sat there. Then my friend called. "I don't feel like going to school anymore. Cunningham is SOOOOO stupid!...", was what he said. And my mom was even stupider. She said that he wants me to not go to school. That's why he's saying 'school's stupid'. He wants to get you out of school because he's jealous.
Like I don't know better. IS 239 is stupid, and my mom's racist.
I would talk to my mom about switching schools, but she would just never do that, and just find some excuse too. Probably so that she can brag that I got into a j****** school.
When the parents are around, the staff are all smiley and nice, but when they aren't, you see the frowns and s*** coming out. Freaks many.
There's no socialization at all. You only have 3 minutes to run through the whole school during periods, and it's an absolute madhouse. You're not allowed to talk in homeroom(stupid)and if you come early, they send you to the auditorium where you sit there. They won't let you move to your friend 3 rows forward. At lunch, you sit at your table, and you're not allowed to talk to somebody across the room. It's all being monitored by the science teacher and a obese guard. AND WERE THE F*** DID RECESS GO?! There's no recces. So there's absolutely no socialization. Nada.
Now I know why that school's students has all so blank ideas while a kindergartener(from a school that allows to socialize during classes and has recess)has so vivid and bright ideas that could easily outrank all of those.
Like I said, I'm depressed, and getting it out might make me feel better. Depression is like replacing your real heart and veins with a concrete heart and rubber veins. (quote me). And though I woke up at 6 today to start school(it's my second day), I don't feel sleepy at all even though it's past midnight and I haven't slept during the day. That's what scares me about depression. As if my sleep isn't already bad enough. I miss elementary.
My life in 3 minutes: http://bit.ly/dDmdB
I'm desperate. And my email is — barelybrad@mail.com — I'm only a lone kid, 11 years old without any siblings. And don't worry about suicide. It's not on my mind :)


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  • I'm 11 and i'm depressed. I don't really know why, I mean it seems like I have a good life, better than other kids at least. But I just know and think way too much. I hate these thoughts that I think. I don't know how to change it though. It's not mentally healthy, really. I don't know.

  • You're 15 or 16 now, and you probably forgot about writing this, but focus on the positive side of things. I'mean an 11 year old and I really don'y like my life. Your issues of depression are minor compared to mine, because I hav3 been bullied, hit, suffered in pain, and I've even thought about what it'd be like if I killed myself, but I don'y want to,but still, it don't matter right now because we're talking about you. Just remember to focus on the positive in life.

  • Well im a eleven year old who is veraly abusedy mother’s keeps telling me about her wanting to lose weight like i give a rats you know what and tou pushes me to be anxious for people to feel sad for me she hates white people wants me to be a racist but the other way I just want to die i am thinking about killing myself ALSO my brother raped me when i was littler and says im fat everyday my mom also talkes about what happened to my cousin i wish child services would come I also have to sleep in the same room as her i wish she would die can someone help please not fake really real

  • I hope you can talk to somebody about what your brother did to you and do not let that happen again. You are important and know that there is a God that loves you. Jesus loves you! <3
    Just dream and think about all the good things you can accomplish in life but don't let hate and fear stop you from reaching your potential.

  • Christ, what a whiny POS.

  • Your email is fake :(

    WTF, LADY!

  • My back's killing me from carrying 4 binders to school every day, plus a copy of "Ender's Game", Webster pocket dictionary, and all that s***.

  • I actually meant to post that after logging in. But who cares

  • Yeah, 11 years old is when I started having to try not to kill myself.

  • The only couple of reasons I don't want to kill myself just yet is because I didn't finish reading all the books I want to read, and the fact that my friends are still there, and a couple of other reasons to. Including that there's a girl I'm in love with.

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