He Ruined It
Growing up with a horrible father who was more like a demon who gave me h*** of a childhood had caused me to be fearful of men, and the reason why I cannot trust a man without thinking they have an ulterior motive.
Not that anyone have ever shown interest in me but I feel as if he ruined it for me.
Not all men are like my father, but he certainly ruined it for me.
Will I be happy in a childhood?
I dunno, I have never expressed my interest in a man - nor has any man expressed their interest in me.
All of my 22 years of life, I had dreamed of a perfect romance like so many other girls have managed to experience.
I have lost so much of my life.
All because of him. I am also afraid if there's someone who indeed shown their interest towards me, they're gonna be the type where they think I am emotionally vulnerable and 'needing love' to function.
I am not, I can differentiate between love and neediness but when it's manifested will I be strong enough to let go? I think, I believe I will.
But sometimes I think I putting on standard too high. I mean, really, who am I?
I am just a broken girl with terrible childhood and feels like I am asking for much. But don't I also deserve the best? My being broken apart, don't I also deserving? I am lost.
Sometimes I think I am better off single as I don't wish to impose my sadness on others. And yet, I wish to have a family of my own - give my children the childhood I never had. [I wish to adopt, and not have my own as they're MANY children who comes from background similar to mine.]
What is wrong with me? Do I deserve someone who would treat me right? Everyone deserves a healthy individual, I am not - at least up there.
Do I deserve?