Dear John,

If that even is your name... I couldn't sleep last night thinking about everything that you discussed wanting to do to me. It's all just too much. The idea of the money is great,sure. I've just been playing it over in my mind,and I just cannot fathom living through my childhood abuse all over again for hours on end.

I tried to let go of all that you said to me,but I cannot stop crying. I don't want to feel like I'm twelve all over again. I'm a woman now, though be it through a series of poor life choices,I'm grown now.

I'm not the little girl being raped anymore,and honestly,I never want to be there again. The more I think about the things you said to me,I tried not to judge,but that could have been me you abused. You could have been just like the man who took my childhood from me.

I don't want to be a p*** in a game anymore. You have helped me open my eyes to what's really out there,and I'll be the first to admit,I just cannot take it.

I had to ask myself last night,that if I didn't give myself to you willfully,what would you have done to the next girl that comes along? I'm still asking myself if I'm being cruel by not taking you on knowingly myself,to save another from the pain I know I'd be living with.

I feel that I've met you somewhere along the path of my life. If not you,man after man whose only joy came from hurting,using and abusing me,just like you.

I think I may have even been groomed perfectly by you last night to give up to you my a*** virginity. If you didn't keep me on the phone talking,we may actually have still been on for tonight. I need that money desperately, but I feel I've truly learned through this experience that money isn't everything. $2 000 is not enough to rape me of my soul.

You pillaged my mind into a place that forced me to remember what has been done to me. Why? Why have I spent all last night,through to today completely crippled by the memories of my abuse? How did you bring me there? Why? I'm not strong enough...

As I read over this message I realize that I've been coming off a bit fierce and maybe even rude. There is just something that came over me,the need to stand up,to fight back. I'm not that little girl anymore. I cannot allow myself to be broken,used and left for dead,as you look over me,laughing,as you rape me.

I wasn't trying to lead you on,or waste your time. I just cannot allow myself to be groomed like this anymore,I'm grown now. I apologize for being misleading but it was unintentional. I'm not able to give you what you want.

I beg this of you; please don't hurt anymore of us. We're people,you know? Even if a girl is 18,she's still a child,like you said yourself they're too dumb to do anything to save themselves. There are grown women out there who can mutually enjoy you raping them in roleplay,who will cry for you,who can take it. Please,I just beg you,don't turn another young girl down the path that was chosen for me by a man just like you.

I'm sorry,good day.

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