Stupid Heart

Ever since i was little i never really talked to anyone about any problem that i had emotionally or mentally.If i ever told anyone how i felt emotionally i always regretted it. If i talked to a family member it became family gossip, and my friends were never ones take me seriously because i was always the joker of the group. It was never a big problem for me until my dad passed away 3 years ago. My family was actually united for once, after 18 years of arguing with each other we all finally showed our true emotions. A few days later it was gone, we were back to our normal hate each other lives. So i went back to my old not sharing my emotion self. That is until i went to college, there i made a friend, rebecca, who at the time wasnt even a love interest to me, just a friend to hang and have a laugh with. I had also met a girl there who i had somewhat of a relationship with. However, whenever i told her about one of my problems she just ranted about it was always my choice that some of those things happened. we eventually stopped talking, i wasnt sure why, but it turned out she was never interested in me, there was always someone else. Thats when rebecca told me "if theres anything you ever need to talk about I'll be here for you". Those words took me by surpise, i was never told that before. For once i felt like someone cared about my emotional state. Naturally i began to have feelings for her, however she had a bf, so i kept my distance. over this past summer she found out he cheated on her, i felt the need to return the favor, so i was there for her to hear her venting. Her phone had broken so we went some time without talking. Until this school year, i was hoping to confess to her how i felt about her. But i learned some news that felt like a stab. She had a boyfriend. So for now she only sees me as a good friend, while i see her as the girl that possibly saved me from going insane. i just wish i could tell her how i truly felt without making our friendship and her relationship akward

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