An affair

An affair that cost me my marriage.... I had an 18 month affair with someone 12 years ago but im still racked with guilt. She was beautiful, the love making was amazing but oh the lies and the fact she had a husband who wanted s** frequently destroyed me inside. To make things worse I introduced her to my wife as a friend and in time we did things together as couples like holidays, dinner, etc but their closeness ate me up inside. They would hold hands and kiss and I became so jealous yet the affair continued until she ended it. But I wouldnt let it to. I constantly would try and spy on their house to see if she was alone. On two occassions she let me in abd we made love again but then I found out she was pregnant even though her husband had a had the snip! Was it mine??' I had to know, but the next time I saw her I discovered she had an abortion. in the end I went to there house to confess to the affair but just couldnt do it. But she knew I had turned up to tell.her husband. And all contact was broken even though I didnt say anything. I continued to write,emails but used my work computer to do this. I was stupid to.think no one would ever find out but people did. All.the emails were printed by my work and shown to my wife. To cut the story short I lost my job and my marriage. That was 12 years ago and I wish I could go back and change it. Never start the affair in the first place. Please please will someone just forgive me. Im.lucky I found a new job and I still see my lovely boys but I miss being a family. Even though I saw D afterwards and said I was,sorry I I regret everything I have done. If youre thinking of an affair please think twice. No one wins. Its a,waste if time. Thanks for listening

Oct 4, 2012

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  • The first thing to do is to forgive yourself. Then show your wife how terrible you feel as a concequence. If she forgives you in any way, you know you can work on being a family again. If she doesn't, you tried.

  • It won't help to get forgiveness from us, or from any other strangers, or from people you know, or from the people involved: the first thing you have to do, and the only thing that matters, is to forgive yourself. I'm not telling you to rationalize your way to a resolution, but only that you acknowledge the obvious facts that (1) you are a human being, flawed like all of the rest of the human beings alive now or having ever lived, and (2) you made a mistake. Don't allow that mistake to despoil the remainder of your life, because if you allow it, that is precisely what will happen: your life will be a ruined shell, dark and uninhabitable. I think you can arrive at your own forgiveness by yourself, by simply focusing on it and seeing it as a necessity and then a fact, but if not, go see a professional counselor or therapist and work on it. All the regret and recrimination you've brought down on yourself already, over the course of a dozen years, is more than enough penance or punishment or both, and does you no good -- none whatsoever. Forgive yourself, GET OVER YOURSELF, and live your life. We are not meant for misery, and particularly not the self-inflicted variety. Be well.

  • You made the biggest mistake you could possibly make with an affair. You let it become important to you. You are not the right kind of guy to have an affair. Some can handle it, some can't. I forgive you for having an affair. I don't forgive you for getting caught.

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