I was a s*** in highschool and college

I was a s*** in highschool and college. Now I hate myself, even though I've completely reformed my behavior and I'm now a respectable member of society. I know why I was a s***: I was raped at a young age, I hated my body, I used a lot of drugs and alcohol and I just wanted to be loved and accepted, but that doesn't make any of it go away. If I ever have a daughter, I'm going to be completely strict with her. I will never let her make the same mistakes I did. I will never let her be hurt, to be made to feel like she's less than a dog, like she's destined to be a failure. If I have a daughter, I mean, sometimes when I don't take my pills I think about killing myself. It sounds so nice because it'd be the end of the guilt and shame, but my mom would just hate it. It'd just destroy her and all of the people who know and love me. My life would just be a timeline of fuckups, with a brief period of success before weakness.

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  • I don't wish 'i was first' i am sombodies dad and would like to take a bat to the b******

  • You have many issues keeping you from being happy, and the best way to get over them is to get them out, so congrats on taking the first step!

  • At least you changed your life arounf because some people don't change I'm proud of you.

  • The sunshine is always worth waking up to. I am sorry for your misfortune and hope a new day soon lets you see your self worth with dignity. Abuse only violates dignity...it tempers it and challenges your very soul but we must continue if we can. Life is worth living because We are blessed by G-d to do so.

    To the OP...unfortunately you are not alone with regret for our past and current actions. Compared to Mother Teresa I think most people on Earth fall short of perfection and if you read the latest book about her you might be surprised at how far short she thought herself. Reality is G-d loves even you.

    We fall...we get back up.
    We are pushed...we get back up.

    Good luck to both.

  • i haven't been with many guys,
    But i feel like a s***,
    I feel dirty,
    And unpure,
    I was raped for a long period of time,
    In my own home,
    I know what it's like to feel low
    The worst part is,
    I've never told anyone before,
    And its been 9 years since the first time.
    For me,
    It's never gotten easier,
    I'm still waiting to see something worth waking up to.
    I hope you have better luck.

  • I wish I could have shown you a real man, me. I can't in reality, but would comfort you if I knew you. I am a very good man, person. I hate to see people in pain, but especially a woman in pain. Women are God's gift to man and every woman should be loved, as God would love. Pray, that's all we have.

    A man who cares.....

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