I was a s*** in highschool and college
I was a s*** in highschool and college. Now I hate myself, even though I've completely reformed my behavior and I'm now a respectable member of society. I know why I was a s***: I was raped at a young age, I hated my body, I used a lot of drugs and alcohol and I just wanted to be loved and accepted, but that doesn't make any of it go away. If I ever have a daughter, I'm going to be completely strict with her. I will never let her make the same mistakes I did. I will never let her be hurt, to be made to feel like she's less than a dog, like she's destined to be a failure. If I have a daughter, I mean, sometimes when I don't take my pills I think about killing myself. It sounds so nice because it'd be the end of the guilt and shame, but my mom would just hate it. It'd just destroy her and all of the people who know and love me. My life would just be a timeline of fuckups, with a brief period of success before weakness.