That Last Puzzle Piece
My life isn't perfect. But I'm content with it. I have a loving mother and father, I get along really well with my brother, I have found some really amazing friends, a roof over my head, food, water, and all the things you can find in a first-world country. But I feel like something is missing. And because of this, I have gone through some phases of depression and anxiety. Not anything severe, but enough to feel the need to hurt myself. I don't use razors, but I'm not going into anymore detail than that. I've talked to my best friend about this and she's assured me that I'm perfect and that everything around me is perfect. But I don't want to be perfect. I am somewhat insecure with what I wear, do, and say. Of course I would feel insecure though, I'm in middle school soon to be in high school. I'm almost positive though that the thing I'm missing is somebody to care for. Somebody I can care for more than as a friend. Now, before you start thinking that I'm in middle school and too immature to have a relationship, let me contradict you. I do feel as if I'm a bit more mature than most people I know. That I know my boundaries when it comes to relationships. For example, I do not under any circumstances, condone PDA. I feel very uncomfortable with just the thought of it.
For as long as I can remember, I have always been the loner out of my friends. They have always had these admirers to complain about and I've always laughed along like I knew what they were talking about. When in reality, I haven't a clue what it feels like. I have had one boy tell me that he likes me.... because his friends dared him to. They knew I liked this boy at the time and they decided to mess with me. When they thought it was absolutely hilarious, I was severely hurt. I just couldn't believe that somebody would think that that was in any way funny. I didn't really talk to him anymore. I also heard that he thought I was incredibly unattractive, which really hurt because I had just started getting secure with my looks. But maybe it's my fault. Maybe it's my fault for being the way I am.
Maybe I should just give up hope for ever finding this one person. My friend says it's because my standards are too high. My other friend says it's because I don't wear make up and that I wear stupid clothes. Yeah, she isn't the most supportive friend. And maybe she's right. Maybe both of my friend's are right. I just don't know. I'm sorry if this seemed a bit long. But if you happened to stay until the end, please give me a bit of advice. Thank you.