That Last Puzzle Piece

My life isn't perfect. But I'm content with it. I have a loving mother and father, I get along really well with my brother, I have found some really amazing friends, a roof over my head, food, water, and all the things you can find in a first-world country. But I feel like something is missing. And because of this, I have gone through some phases of depression and anxiety. Not anything severe, but enough to feel the need to hurt myself. I don't use razors, but I'm not going into anymore detail than that. I've talked to my best friend about this and she's assured me that I'm perfect and that everything around me is perfect. But I don't want to be perfect. I am somewhat insecure with what I wear, do, and say. Of course I would feel insecure though, I'm in middle school soon to be in high school. I'm almost positive though that the thing I'm missing is somebody to care for. Somebody I can care for more than as a friend. Now, before you start thinking that I'm in middle school and too immature to have a relationship, let me contradict you. I do feel as if I'm a bit more mature than most people I know. That I know my boundaries when it comes to relationships. For example, I do not under any circumstances, condone PDA. I feel very uncomfortable with just the thought of it.
For as long as I can remember, I have always been the loner out of my friends. They have always had these admirers to complain about and I've always laughed along like I knew what they were talking about. When in reality, I haven't a clue what it feels like. I have had one boy tell me that he likes me.... because his friends dared him to. They knew I liked this boy at the time and they decided to mess with me. When they thought it was absolutely hilarious, I was severely hurt. I just couldn't believe that somebody would think that that was in any way funny. I didn't really talk to him anymore. I also heard that he thought I was incredibly unattractive, which really hurt because I had just started getting secure with my looks. But maybe it's my fault. Maybe it's my fault for being the way I am.
Maybe I should just give up hope for ever finding this one person. My friend says it's because my standards are too high. My other friend says it's because I don't wear make up and that I wear stupid clothes. Yeah, she isn't the most supportive friend. And maybe she's right. Maybe both of my friend's are right. I just don't know. I'm sorry if this seemed a bit long. But if you happened to stay until the end, please give me a bit of advice. Thank you.

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  • ""But maybe it's my fault. Maybe it's my fault for being the way I am. Maybe I should just give up hope for ever finding this one person.""

    Don't *ever* say stuff like that. Don't apologize for who you are or the way you are. You're a great person & you have to know & believe that before you go around wishing someone else will. If you don't value/appreciate yourself (& your beauty), no one else will. You should really build your own self confidence before trying to go out & find "love". Because it's tough & you've got to be very sure of yourself or you'll get hurt. So suck it up & don't give up hope because you're too young to be talking like a 40 year old virgin.

  • You're very welcome.
    I will confess as well that I've felt this way before many times (the first 4 lines of your confession are how all mine start) and I'm in college. (Yup, still waiting for my first kiss, date, blah blah) BUT my point is: stay strong.

    Love comes to everyone differently. I'm sure you're a beautiful girl (definitely on the inside from reading your post) & maybe right now you feel like no one appreciates that but they will, trust me (someone might right now but be too shy to say; I mean, I do). Just work on yourself for now, enjoy what you've got going: hang out with friends, try new foods, get a pet, find a hobby. While those things might not immediately solve your problem of finding love, they'll help by opening new doors for it & other things(you never know where you'll meet someone special!). So hang in there, it'll workout in the end.

  • I realize it doesn't help when you hear someone say this will pass and you'll meet plenty of guys as you get older. Because it doesn't help when you're in middle school and longing for some cute boy to take notice of you. But it's true, love will happen for you. For now, you just have to accept where you are and allow things to happen. Someone is going to come along and you'll find that connection you're longing for. For now, enjoy your life and your friends and don't harm yourself. You're too smart for that. Are your standards too high? Nothing wrong with wanting the best. However, you are in middle school.. the boys aren't too mature at that age and may not meet your requirements. This does not mean that you should be dating older. Can make up and clothes help? They should only enhance your natural beauty. Maybe play with a little lipgloss on and wear a smile. At your age, you shouldn't be putting gobs of make up on anyway. But girls like to experiment with clothes and makeup. Wear what you like and what makes you feel best. It's how you feel about yourself that's the most important and attractive. You really are quite normal for your age. Talk about what's going on with you. Do not let anyone make you feel bad. You're smart and beautiful.

  • No im not smart r beautiful im a fuckd up person

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