i feel terrible. guilty. did i mention

i feel terrible. guilty. did i mention i still feel terrible?...
i used to have a BAD problem with LIEING. i lied about stupid things and things now that i'm bery embarassed about if anyone ever knew.
first of all i used to do drugs really badly. all the time. and for the record i've been clean off drugs over 4 years now.
i used to be in love with my best guy friend. we were friends with benefits. he had a girlfriend who was bad news. he was a serious drug addict. he would be clean 6months then go back to his old ways. then be clean a year and then relapse again. but his girlfriend enabled him b/c she was an addict too. one night i gave him $100 to go get me and him drugs. he never came back. i finally found him and his g/f at his apt doing drugs with my money. he lied and said that he got pulled over by the cops and had to throw out the drugs. we were really close. he and i could tell each other everything. long story short i told him i was pregnant..which i wasn't. he gave me 1/2 the money to get the abortion. i think i did it to get bvack at him for taking my money and doing drugs with his girlfriend and for not being able to love me in the way i wanted him to. but now i realize it was sooo wrong of me and no matter what happened i shouldnt have done it. he is dead now. died of an overdose. i can't tell him the truth now. but i guess he knows now. i hope he can forgive me. i really DO feel bad for this. i love him and miss him soooo much. he was my best guy friend. the drugs were just bigger than he was.

p.s. i lied about being pregnant with 2 other guys . i wish i didnt and now am very sorry for what i did,. they both gave me the $$ for 1/2 the abortion i didnt need or get.

im glad this site is here. i feel better and hope nobody will judge me. please tell me its ok now. ive been soo much better about lieing... my conscious was heavy with this.

2 Comments

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  • It's good to hear that you now have a conscience, sometimes it takes a while to kick in...... Good luck with honesty! :)

  • WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME ITS OK THAT I AT LEAST FEEL BADLY!

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