My Mom Is Killing Me
Hi, this is the first time so I think I'll just introduce myself. I'm a Honors student with a 4.5 GPA, I'm told I'm friendly, nice, and smart. You would think this would be enough for my mom...but it's not. It never is. My mom is a single parent who doesn't forget to remind me at least once everyday that I'm a bit@$ among other vulgar names. I've been abused mentally since as long as I could remember. My mom manipulates me. She plays with my mind, belittles me, takes things away, etc. She screams at me in gets in my face and when I ask her to calmly speak to me in a more controlled, mature manner she gets angrier and calls me names. I don't want to tell her anything about myself (fears, goals, aspirations, career goals, nothing) in fear that she will use it against me. I've already come to realize that she wants love and respect and thinks I don't love her. I do but not like I really did before. It's like love laced with hate. I've never had many good friends that I've told my secrets to, ever. She used to abuse me physically but now I'm taller than her (I'm teenage female)and I would not allow that any more. She drives me crazy and nowadays I even question my own behavior. Sometimes I feel like I want to seriously injure her(mom)or just commit suicide, but I don't. I only have my mother and my sister. They both make me feel hostile, depressed and lonely. I have not mentioned my sister before because she doesn't really do anything. She ignores all abuse that happens to me.
I don't know why I'm writing this really. I'm still going to have a f-ed up life and my family won't change. I think I write this because I've never told anyone and it feels nice to tell someone my story, like maybe it matters. Thanks for listening.