Just another sad night

From where can I start? From where should I end? Do I really need to put my thoughts in letters? Does this suffer is that painful that I have to share it with a blank sheet? I actually don’t know. When you are in public, you keep that bright smile. You live like nothing touches you. You play a cold stone-hearted person. You act like a wall. You act like nothing can break you. The true is that you are already broke. Your inside is nothing than a million of broken pieces. Those pieces are like mirrors, mirrors that can’t even reflex what you are. What you used to be. Those pieces are so small that you don’t live, you survive. For what do you survive? You survive because your life is just one in million. Your life is nothing compare to what someone else could live somewhere else in this big place. You survive because you have people around you. People that say that they believe in you. They say that they love you. They say that they will always be there for you. They say that they will never let you down. Is that enough? Is that enough when you have been broken inside since childhood? Could this fix you? Could this make you feel like you are actually a good person? Actually this never will do the work. You need to tell them that they are wasting their time. They don’t know you. They don’t know a damn thing about you. They just know what you want to show. They just know the image you created of yourself. They just have seen a false image of you. This image is just a mix of lot of other people. You are made of the smile, the laugh, the look, the voice, the ideas, and the manners of other people. This is why your inside is made of mirrors, broken mirrors. Mirrors always break some days. However, those cries are completely yours. They are the only real things on you. Those cries, those screams are yours. They won’t leave you. No matter how hard that you try, they won’t leave. You are in this world and you can’t escape. You have so much people that have faith in you. You can’t just jump out of that window or pull that trigger. What they going to say? Will they remember you as they thought you were? Or will your most outrageous secrets be discovered? You don’t want that. You want to take your secret garden with you in that coffin. Suicide and keeping secrets don’t get along with each other. Hence, you live in this world where you are dead walking. Actually you don’t live, you survive! You try to act like everyone else. You go to school, you want to get a job and run away from your folks. You want to run away because you hope that somewhere in this world there’s a place where your life could take a fresh start. You are dreaming about that day. This day where you won’t have to hide your cries and your scream. A day where you won’t have to play a tough. Until that day comes, you have to keep that bright smile no matter what. You can’t break down. At least, not in public…

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