life for me

So many haters. S**** who are my friend, leave them. goody goodys who I am too good for. don’t need them. but in the end they will be too good for me. Why does life lie to me like this. I want to e s c a p e. I want to take a vacation from this. So many people don’t know what they’re doing including me. She doesn’t know what she wants. She wants to blend in she wants to break free. Escape from pain. Thats all I want too. Turn the t.v off. Let us have quiet. Let us think to a sad slow rhythm. We all need time to think. Family, yes family going strong, maybe not. I need a drink. No I really DON’T. but I want to have one just because its what I NEED to stay happy. I neeed that stuff to make me feel good. I need it to fulfill my life. I just want to crawl in a hole. I want to SCREAM but I don’t. no body knows me. Maybe they do. The way I show myself. Put myself on display. Gotta keep soo many secrets gotta hold secrets in. just DON’T tell. Please don’t. it will r u i n me. These people. They don’t know what they say . I don’t know what I say. I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOU. Why? I don’t know. Whats the answer? I DON’T know. Right now we’ll never know. your just being so stupid. You want attention. Im thinking your very conceited. Im not. Im not. Why would I be? Theres nothing to be conceited for. Why cant I run away? Escape all of this? Because your duty it to STAY. don’t leave me. I need you. NO YOU DON’T. I don’t do anything. I don’t make changes I don’t fill any voids. I am a nothing as of now. When can I become something? I don’t know. what are you going to do when you grow up? Im going to just be. Let me be. I need a man don’t I? I need s**. don’t I? I want s**. don’t I? you don’t NEED them. You want want want. You do it, its too late. I don’t want this. I really don’t. why is my life crumbling down. Its crashing. Questioning everything is what I do best. These endless random thoughts fill my head. What can I do about them? Nothing. Nothing. Let them pass. Your fine. No I really don’t think I am. But who would know. You don’t know you just don’t. hey you! Your crazy. Go away. Try and act normal. Yeah I will. Whatever you want. Do you know how I feel? Yes I know how u feel. No! you really don’t. I want to leave. Vacations for the insane? Mental institution, nice rooms, white as can be, plenty of light even night lights. that’s what I need. No darkness ever. Maybe I can never be happy inside. I don’t care anymore. Down your 5th drink, go out and buy some stuff for later when your not drunk anymore to replace that feeling. Nice feeling. Easy going. Sure. When tomorrow comes, we’ll see. Im in my own world. This insane world. I need out.

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