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Husband found out about my sexual past
I don't know what to do. I've been married for eight and a half years and I have two beautiful kids. My marriage is not great but it hasn't been that bad either.
A few days ago, my husband found a piece of paper related to my sexual past. It affected him very much because he didn't really know much about it. He has been depressed and we really don't know how to handle the situation.
I understand his shock because I have never been a party girl. He says he never expected me to have done some of the things I did.
I blame my background a little bit for having had the desire of certain experiences. I was born in Taiwan, but my family moved to Argentina before I was five. Growing up in a country where my physical features were very different from the rest was not easy. I was always shy and had very low self-esteem. My parents were very strict and I helped them with a store we had since I was little.
I had my first and only Argentinian boyfriend when I was 20 which is older than the average first timer. I was always studying and working. I had ** with him out of curiosity which was a mistake. I moved to the US a few years later and once here, I felt free in many ways. I didn't have my parents breathing on my neck all the time (although I lived with an aunt who was also strict, but not as much), I started driving by myself, and I didn't know anybody. I met someone and dated him for a while. Although I wasn't sure about having ** with him (because of my conservative principles), it was easier to go for it than the first time just because I knew I wasn't a virgin anymore. After several months, we broke up and I started dating another person. The same thing happened with him.
After breaking up with him, I thought about the fact that each of them was from a different nationality. I also started feeling like maybe true love didn't exist. Something happened at that point in my life that made me want to experiment. I was still a very responsible student and working hard to pay for college. My aunt didn't let me get home after 12 at night, but I managed to find excuses and the time to be out when I wanted.
I had ** with my salsa dance teacher, with a guy I met while working at a perfume stand in a mall (he worked in a store nearby), and with a guy I met while working at a chiropractor's office (he also worked nearby). I wasn't really looking for a long-term relationship, although I was kind of hoping for one. I was driven by a twisted desire to try out new things. I wanted to see how far I could go and how much I could be "appreciated". I was a fool, I know now. I kept trying to compare guys from different countries. I met a guy from India and then another from Korea and I had ** with them too (separately). I made a list with all their names and nationalities to stupidly keep track of my escapades. All this happened in a period of about two years.
Finally I met my now husband. We worked in the same place and we started dating. From the beginning I felt like he could be the one. After a few months, I moved in with him. I never gave him details of my past, although he knew he wasn't my first. He did tell me once that he was jealous of whoever was with me before him. I knew then that I had to keep my past a secret for our own good.
Well, a few days ago he was moving some old boxes and he found some of my things from college. I had completely forgotten about the paper with "the" list. He knew immediately what it was about because he recognized a couple of names. When he told me, he was crying. He asked me why I didn't tell him before and I tried to explain that he had mentioned that he was jealous of my past and that I didn't want him to feel worse if I gave him details.
Needless to say, it has been rough since then. He keeps asking me a lot of questions about my ** life before him and I made the mistake of answering a few when he started asking them. He says that no one would think I acted like that and I understand because I know I've always looked like a very nerdy, shy and boring person.
He says he can't stop seeing me in his mind having ** with all those guys. In his own words, he pictures me flirting with them, saying yes to their offer of having **, blowing them, spreading my legs and moaning like a ** for them. Sometimes I don't know what to answer because I feel like he is right. I acted like a ** with at least five of them because I wasn't expecting anything but enjoying being used.
I would hate if my marriage ends because of something that happened years ago. I should've never made that list. Much less keep it. :(
This is why ** shouldn't get married. You decided to be a lowlife a long time ago, and now you want to be respected. Too late. He will leave you, no matter what you do.
I bet they're not together anymore.
I know this was years ago when this was posted, but what is the status of your marriage now? You pretty much described how you are in bed with your husband which is a "nerdy, shy, boring person". I don't know why but as I see it you have two choices, 1. If you actually love your husband and find him hot and **, then if I were you, I'd start acting like a ** in bed with him! Time to up your game woman. 2. Do nothing and watch your marriage collapse into divorce. Fully expect him to cheat on you because he will if you don't spice things up.
Personally, I think you're looking at this from the wrong side. You said you wish you never made a and kept a list... How bout owning up to it BEFORE you were married? Then after hearing it you'll know if he's the one!!!
If you're ** life together is great and you two do wild and ** things in bed, then there isn't a problem. But from what you said, your marriage isn't great which in turn, your ** life probably isn't great either. This is why he's upset, because your current ** life with him isn't like what you did before him. If you cannot feel that urge to go all the way for him in bed and you two cannot get past this, then it's either serious therapy to improve your marriage and ** life or divorce. There's no in between. How is everything now?
I hope your husband divorced your sorry **.
I bet your little ** didn't please any girl. You live alone and eat microwavable meals in front of the TV like a scum that you are.
Shut up **, nobody wants to hear from a ** mouth, only good for one thing, sucking **.
Just like i bet your worn out beef curtained up ** has men lining around the corner right. ** outta her
FEMINAZI **!!
Your mom should have swallowed
Honey we all have a past. That's what makes us the persons we are today. Your past made you the person your husband fell for, you have nothing to be ashamed about and regrets are futile. If you enjoyed what happened back then and nobody was hurt in the past then no harm, no foul.
Your husband has the problem, he's a jealous, controlling idiot. You had a life before him, (and he before you), and if he can't accept you for who you are then to ** with him you can have a life after him.
Oh good Lord, another stupid feminist three times divorced cat lady who thinks it's all about the woman and all men are evil. If she cannot or will not give him a great ** life like she had in the past, then there's no love and no reason to stay married.
She has much to be ashamed about. Her husband had a right to know how many other men she had been intimate with before he pledged his life to her. She deceived him and even if he does not divorce her, he will never look at her the same way again. I feel very sorry for him.
Really.. she had to be a ** to realize how she can be a good wife.. do all women have to go through this? . So any other woman is just a bad wife ?
**. A lie by ommission is still a lie. He found out his wife was a washed up ** and basically was used as a pocket book while she was a dead lay for him.
FEMINAZI A HOLE/ HUMAN PETRIE DISH !!!
His problem is he married a no good lying **. My be if whores like you controlled yourselves your husband's would need too!
Wrong he gave truth and honesty to earn trust and he expected the same in return and instead got the opposite.
She lied she is a liar a woman has the right to know if the man can provide and be a good father
a man has the right to know her past his not asking for much honesty
honesty is trust wake up women
if she was a ** in her past for me she is finished
and ladies please dont mix fun with being **
a man ** a woman a woman gets ** its hard for any man to exept this
If you are for real and not some troll just making stuff up for kicks, then I'll give you some advice.
I noticed one poster here said that if you could do dirty, loud and wild things in bed for your previous partners, then you could do that and much more for the one you married. That couldn't be further from the truth. Obviously you were attracted to these guys enough to do that with them even if it was just a "phase". It seems like your ** life with your husband is humdrum. Maybe I'm wrong but you admitted your marriage isn't great. Why is that? Because now with this revelation of your past, your marriage is really on the rocks now. First of all you need to spice up your ** life, and I mean you need to go full on ** goddess for your husband. I'm serious. If you truly love your spouse and want this marriage to work, then you have got to step up your game from now on. Forget the soft, slow love making stuff and become your husband's dirty little **. Like I said, your HUSBAND, not some toolbag you met at a bar. And please spare me (and your husband) the whole "I'm a different person now" **. That's nothing but a cop out and an excuse for laziness. Also I know that with kids and work it's easy to get tired and stressed but you have got to make time for a healthy ** life, even if it means chugging a whole pack of energy drinks. Another thing, be aware he might be standoffish about intimacy for a while, remember, be patient! If he loves you he'll come around and when he does, you need to rock his world in the bedroom. Try new things that you both haven't done and explore your passion to the fullest. Nothing makes a husband feel more undesirable than knowing that his wife was diverse in bed for other men but is cold turkey for him. And the same goes for him too, if he's awkward and dull then he needs to step it up as well. It takes two to tango. In the end if he can't get over your past at all, then that's his issue and not yours.
Great advice!!
Wow that's really huge for some men. I married a girl who was indiscrete in some way before her first husband married her. She related to me that it was damaging to their marriage. She cheated on her husband with me early on in their marriage which added to their difficulty. I entered into marriage with her after their divorce. She aluded to the fact that she was used by 2 others. I protected her and rationalised that she was single when this went on. Her past history was deep in my mind but it gave me a strange and intense ** feeling which caused my erformance to significantly improve by my own judgement. She noticed I had some kind of enhanced strength because it obviously went past anything either of us ever experienced. My unusual reaction to to this situation didn'tl jealousy
There are as no damaging jealousy with me..it probably sounds perverted but it's the truth.
Simp
Well now you're reaping what you sow. I'd be ** off too if I found this stuff out later on in the marriage. A partner's sexual history is something that needs to be discussed very early on when you two are dating. Then that way you both are honest and forthcoming and if one is not comfortable with either one's past, well then you can walk away with little damage done. However your situation is different. Yeah you can say he needs to get over it and all that **, but in the end you still lied. Let me ask, do you do the same things and then some for your husband in the sack like you did for all those other guys? Because I'll be honest here, if I were him and you scream, moan, blow, talk dirty etc. during ** with your husband, then there isn't a problem. BUT, if you just lay there and take it and ** with you is like ** a corpse, then I'd tell you to pony up and get with the program because if you can do all that for those other guys, then you can ** sure do that and much more for your husband. And if you couldn't, then we'd be visiting divorce attorneys.
Did the wife lie? No, husband never asked about her sexual history. Only time a spouse's ** history should be an issue is if past actions resulted in kids or STDs. Dude from California
Well that all may be true but it's still ** a man when he discovers he's married the Town Pump
But it's ok for a man to town ** women one too many times before getting hitched. And the wife is just going to have to deal with his past.
Her sexual past is not the issue. It is her not telling him about it and basically using him as a wallet and going prude because I'm not like that anymore.
And if he stays married he'll lose everything including his sanity before very long. Best to admit being fooled big time and movin on.
But she kept a list of her lovers. That's a big problem.
Wrong. Sexual past can reveal risky decision making pattern.
Dude from California you’re a ** moron!
Obviously you knew it would be a problem since past experiences weren't disclosed. I feel sorry for the man who marries someone who has had 30-40+ guys in her past. Not a single woman, has ever told the truth about her sxual past. Not a single one of you.
Ohhhh gurl feel no shame. Like... f*** him 4 getting sad lol. it's all about your liberation. this is ON HIM. U did nothing wrong. if he can't handle that, he's probably not man enough to be with you anyways. Sigh. He's probably a white male as well... trust me they are the worst... and racist. I just married one for the money NOT for what he had down there ;)
Sigh. Now I miss black **
You sound like a lesbian feminist
Wow. Talk about racist scum.
I bet you do and the welfare checks
Everybody has a past. I don't blame you for leaving it there because it truly is not anybody's business but your own. And if I were you and my husband was calling me those horrible names I wouldn't stand for it. It's not right for him to make you feel guilty or disrespect you like that. You shouldn't even allow him to punish you constantly over something you did before you met him. He should love you no matter what, that is a promise you've made to each other. Next time he does that just say 'and what of it?!' You are with him now and you love him but if he continues to make you feel that way I'd leave. I wonder what would happen if he replayed chapters of his past, I guarantee there would be plenty of things he wouldn't want you to see as well. Don't let him ruin your self esteem by furthering emotional abuse. You deserve respect as his wife and being true and faithful to him.
No wonder hillary lost
I'm sure you have no problem lying to a person about how much of a slvt you were in your past either.
Tell that to your daughter’s they will never have a happy marriage. Instead teach them respect and marry a virgin
True, but if let's say she's being a prude in bed with him but was a loud ** with other guys, and on top of that refuses to up the ante on their ** life because "she's a different person now", that's absolute **. That's unfair to the husband and making it all about her. Contrary to popular belief, men have feelings and needs too and if you're truly in love with someone, you'll do everything in your power to please them twofold. Just because you're now married does not mean that the ** is now officially toned down to just soft "love making." That's just pure laziness.
Wrong.
Respect? Go To ** Feminazi
You sound like a selfish person, as for you It is all about you. Your husband looks like a loser and he will eventually get over it.
That's such an awful thing to say..
Or leave the **
My soon to be ex did almost the exact same thing minus the list. She was raised a "good girl" and ended up cheating on her husband of 20 years. She went buck wild and screwed everything coming and going, got into drugs and alcohol and did whatever she wanted when she wanted. When I met her she said she had made a "couple mistakes" in her life. As time went on in our marriage everything started coming out. Things that would have made me walk away. No, RUN away. I was completely honest with her but she wasn't with me and she completely robbed me of my choice to be with someone like her. And now, because she wasn't completely honest, I have herpes because she hid that from me too.
And just like you she showed no sign of remorse or conviction. Oh yea she was sorry. Sorry she got caught and has to deal with the consequences of her deceit just like your worried about facing now. If you would have been honest with him from the beginning you wouldn't be dealing with this now and you dont need to be taking advice from hippie liberals telling you it's none of his business.
If you love him you need to tolerate his questions and help him with the pain you've caused. Do everything you can to help him learn to trust you again and put the work into it.
This woman doesn't have to be remorseful, as she hasn't done anything wrong. What transpired in her past, was before meeting her husband and has nothing to do with, the relationship she has with him. She's not cheating on him. I'm sure he has a sexual past and if he doesn't, that's his problem!!
Your wife is different!! She was a ** before meeting you and she's still one, because she's unfaithful to you. This woman isn't your wife!!
She has obviously done something wrong since she hid this from him, didn't disclose her past, yadda yadda. I guarantee she told her hubby, "Oh, just a few guys" Now he finds out years later that he was lied to, which is the problem. You women will NEVER understand that though.
She never said that he asked about her sexual past. How did she lie?
They're never honest.
But a man LOVES to flaunt they're stuff and how many women they slept with. How is that attractive?