I think I love a guy who never got his chance.
I met him (Lets call him N)over the summer after my ex of three and a half years moved out of my apartment. He showed up at a crucial moment in time for me, giving me the strength to cut ties with my ex. I spent 15 days with him before he left for Texas for school. I talked to him everyday for 4 months. But I got lonely. And he never let me know how he really felt about me. He didn't answer when I asked him if we were going to continue dating when he came back. I was no one's girlfriend, exclusive to no one. So I started seeing another guy(Call him T). I made it clear that I was no one's property and would do as I pleased.
I tried to wait as long as I could for him to come back. But I became closer to T over the months. We had a lot in common. It jut kinda clicked with us. No pressure, just having fun and enjoying each other. But after xmas vacation T started talking about how long we've been seeing each other. I stalled as long as I could. I told him I had been seeing someone over the summer and was still talking to him.
When it came time for N to come see me after coming home over vacation, he bailed on our plans because he couldn't find a ride. ( I live 200miles from home at college, he lives 80 miles from college town) So it's not like I could just pop over to his house. I drove 3.5 hours back to my apartment to see him. When I didn't get to see him I spent New Years alone and drank a near toxic amount of wine and smoked a lot of weed.
I took it as a sign. When T asked me out, I said yes. We've been together since January. But I think I'm still in love with N. Everytime I see his pictures on facebook my heart aches a little. I get insanely jealous when girls comment on his page. Yeah I'm facestalking him. When I told him I broke it off with N it broke my heart entirely. He said he ws sorry for not trying, and he was surprised I tried for so long. HE said he really cared about me. He said he wished he could have had his chance with me. I told him I gave him the chance but he kinda stood me up.
With the recent drama with T involving a troll of a girl, I can't help but think again that I made a huge mistake. I think I'm still in love with N and I don't know what to do.
*I'm 21 and a full figured girl*