My Awful Mother
For years I've wondered how in the h*** I'm not proud of anything I've done. Nothing what so ever.
Friends tell me I'm amazing, that I have great talents, etc. So does some of my family. Even strangers and teachers have complimented me for some random things.
I've figured it out though...
It's my mother.
Now, I don't want to sound like I'm saying it's her fault. And let me explain one situation.
I'm a 15 year old girl, and I just started taking guitar lessons. My instructor always is complimenting me, and telling me I'm a natural with a lot of potential. Sometimes during lessons she gets really surprised at how quick I pick things up. Then, she tells my mom this.
My mom just nods, and says,"Oh yeah, mhm, yeah she does well." We leave, and my mom says to me in the car,"She was telling me about how you learned everything on the fifth string and how fast you're moving and I just was thinking, I have no idea how you should be moving along, haha."
It's not a big deal, but she can never just acknowledge that I'm good at something.
I just tried playing a complicated song in front of her, and she was silent the whole time. When I was getting frustrated, she said,"I can kind of hear it." And the entire time she said nothing positive. I finally left the room in tears.
Again, not a big deal, but this little s*** applies to every aspect of my life. I'm always seeking her approval, and never get it.
Mothers are supposed to gush to their kids about their strengths, and reassure them, and build their confidence.
My mom just says something like "Nice" in passing and proceeds to change the topic.
I can't accept that I might actually be good at anything until my mom tells me I am. But she'll never give me what I need, and it's just really difficult lately.