I don't know how.
I don't really expect anyone to respond to this, which is fine because everyone has their own problems going on. This is more me getting things off my chest. I'd write a diary...i actually used to until my boyfriend found it and it caused an argument.
He's abusive and I'm drowning and i don't know how to get out of this. I wish i had the guts to do it. I've left a couple of times and he rings me and pleads and sounds so sincere i go back even though i know he isn't going to change. He makes me feel guilty for things that aren't even my fault. The thing is, i know how pathetic and bad it is to continue to stay here and i still can't make myself pluck up the courage to get the h*** out. And i HATE myself for still loving him. He has issues, he takes it out on me and no matter how hard i try i can't better it. You can't help those who won't help themselves and yet i continue to care.
I hate myself. I think maybe that i kind of deserve this...