I don't know how.

I don't really expect anyone to respond to this, which is fine because everyone has their own problems going on. This is more me getting things off my chest. I'd write a diary...i actually used to until my boyfriend found it and it caused an argument.

He's abusive and I'm drowning and i don't know how to get out of this. I wish i had the guts to do it. I've left a couple of times and he rings me and pleads and sounds so sincere i go back even though i know he isn't going to change. He makes me feel guilty for things that aren't even my fault. The thing is, i know how pathetic and bad it is to continue to stay here and i still can't make myself pluck up the courage to get the h*** out. And i HATE myself for still loving him. He has issues, he takes it out on me and no matter how hard i try i can't better it. You can't help those who won't help themselves and yet i continue to care.

I hate myself. I think maybe that i kind of deserve this...

May 10, 2013

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  • It's weird hey. They abuse and you still love. The more I tried to please my partner the more they didn't give a s***. She left. I feel gutted and they still don't give a s***.

  • Call your local womens abuse help-line and they can help you detach from your abusive and controlling partner.

  • I know it is hard to leave him on your own but someone helping you makes it is so much easier. I have been in the same place. I was scared to leave abused and felt bad for him and thought he needed me. Then one day I had a friend make me leave and make sure I didnt go back or try to talk to him. With my friend's help I was able to leave

  • Stop thinking you deserve this. You deserve to be happy. Truth is, he obviously knows you'll come back to him so he's treating you like dirt. He has you by the b****, and it's time you took that power back. Do you really love him? Or are you in love with the feeling that someone loves you, that there's a warm body to return to? Do you live for the little and very rare moments where everything seems okay? Honestly, there are so many other fish in the sea. You only have one life to live. So many people don't know what's wrong with their lives and spend so much time and energy trying to figure it out. You know exactly what he's doing, you know what he does to you and that he's no good for you. If you knew you lethal cancer, you'd have it removed even if it hurts you a bit, right? Because in the end, it'll allow you to live. This dude's no good for you. Get rid of him and don't take him back. He won't change. On the miniscule chance that he comes to realize the error of his ways, let him show that to you with ten thousand times the effort of all the pain you had to go through. Make him work for it. Many times people don't know what they've got till it's gone, and he needs to know.

  • What you're experiencing is not, unfortunately, unique to you nor nearly as isolated as you think it is: what's happening isn't your fault, it's not been prompted by you, and you don't deserve it. Those are facts, and you have to believe them true, because they are. Women look at men, and think to themselves, "Well, he's not perfect, but I can fix him." Every women thinks that, but not all of them continue to act on it. You are, right now, at the dividing line between those two groups: the ones who consistently act on the urge to "fix him" and those who don't (or won't). You need to get yourself to the latter side of that line. Your man is broken, I'm so sorry to say. But I'm sorrier to say this: you are not going to be able to fix him. You've tried that. And you've given him the chance --- chanceS, actually --- to do it on his own and he's steadfastly refused to permit it or to do it voluntarily. This will seem cruel, but you must trust me when I tell you: this man loves the fact that you aren't strong enough to correct the problem with him, and that you hate yourself for the supposed failure. Yes: let me say it again. He LOVES the fact that he makes you hate yourself. Reversing course won't be easy for you, but reverse the course, you must. End it. Don't wait for a good time, or a better time, or a time when you feel stronger. End this relationship today. Now. This man is not right for you, and this man doesn't care about you. He only only ONLY cares about himself. I'm sorry to be so blunt, but there is no kind way to say a painful thing about a person that YOU love. And I'm also sorry that he is taking advantage of that love, but that's what he's doing. Only you can make him stop. And you must.

  • I'll have to concur with the above.
    Look babydoll, Look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if you are sick up and fed of the bullshit your "boyfriend" is giving you...a "real" boyfriend is a potential husband, and this guy is using you for as long as he can. Drop this SOB like a bad transmission, change your phone number and tell all of your friends to tell he you got married. Run Babydoll Run, and don't look back. Fold the rear view mirrors down so you don't have to look back. Don't look back. You deserve a better life so make the change and tell the p**** "buh bye never gonna see ya."
    Good luck babydoll

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