Bad Judgment /Really Good Distraction /Confused
Over the past three months I have been working closely with my coworker on a project and over time I began to develop lustful feelings for him. Purely physical. Don't get me wrong, this man is attractive, funny, smart, and kind. He's clearly in a marriage he hates but stays for the children. He has no intention of leaving his family and I have no intention of leaving mine. Its a mutual understanding between us.
Last week we joked around (flirting) and I surprisingly walked over and cornered him and gave him a b****** on the spot while people were still in the office. It was spontaneous and fun. He came in my mouth, I swallowed and afterwards i did not feel guilty but tried to make sense of it all. Why after a decade would I do this? Not trying to justify what happened. I'm just confused.
The confusing thing is after that I totally want more. My body aches for it. I feel like a hall pass. I feel so unattractive, taken for granted, etc. Over the years I have always thought my husband 'settled' for me. Over the time we were together he left me four times (once a yr) cheated on me a few times. It hurts to know he has wanted to get rid of me on numerous occassions.
Anyway I know I'm wrong but I still want him. The s** would be a great distraction and my body needs this.