Cancer

My mother has cancer and i find it hard not to let her know all that i am feeling right now, because i know that she is going through enough without me putting pressure on her. but its hard i mean i walked in on her when she was crying and most people would probably have said that they would give their mother a hug and cry with her and all of that bullshit, but i know my mother and she is tough and she wants to be seen as a tough person, and so i pretended like nothing was happening asked what i had wanted to ask and left her to her privacy. when she is in pain, i help her with an ice pact and a heat pad and that is it, i don't ask her if she is okay, because obviously she isn't, i don't let her see the fears and the helplessness that i feel. and so i treat her the same as i did before she got diagnosed with cancer, i mean i know things have changed, but in my eyes she is always and forever my beautiful, strong, independent mother and i will always treat her that way. and i let her know in little ways that if she needs, i'll be there to help, like i have always been. one last thing before i'm, this experience has made me think of the saying "i am dieing" and change it to "i am living" because no matter how you think of it, you are still alive, and living your life to the fullest, no matter what you are going through as long as you are breathing you are living more than you are dieing, right?

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  • Going through what your mother is going through may have changed the way she views the world. She may want you to give her the love and support you never showed her before. Or I could be wrong. But don't assume. Why don't you talk to her. I don't know what stage she is in but if there's a chance for remission I hope for all involved it is so. She will always be your mother no matter what.

  • Ah but i did talk to her once when she first got diagnosed and she got p***** off whenever anyone tried to treat her differently in anyway. my brother is already acting overly protective and she is annoyed with the way he is acting so i'm just gonna hang in the sidelines and help when help is needed. its not like we don't talk about what she has but its never deep stuff like how we are being affected by it or how she is feeling. she mostly brings up what we are gonna do when she dies and who is gonna take care of my little sis. aarghs but like i said if that is what she wants then i will go on the way i have been doing, acting and letting her see what she wants to see.

  • Well I just hope you're prepared for the fact that she might not appear as stong and determined when she approaches the end of her illness. I've never lived through the experience of watching a parent die (both of mine died suddenly and unexpectedly) so I can't even imagine what its like. It seems like your mother has accepted the end although she may not be as brave as she lets on. All I can say is to tell her everything you want to tell her. Leave no room for regret later because you will have to live with what you think you could have done or said differently for the rest of your life. My prayers to you and your family.

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