I Belief I just Messed Up a Good Thing
I'm so disgusted with myself. I am so disappointed, ashamed, confused just miserable. I feel like a total fool and the greatest loser on earth!
I cheated on my girlfriend last night. I had s** with my ex-girlfriend; the mother of my toddler sons.
My current girlfriend is the sweetest woman I have ever had the pleasure to be with. We don't do much together because of work schedules, my family and school responsibilities, but she is extremely patient, loving and caring to me. She gives me good s**, respects me and all my kids, gives me everything she thinks I need, and waits on me hand and foot. It will take me hours to give anybody details about this woman. She is 4 years older than I, lives and earns well, very careful with her expenditures but very unselfish towards me.
My sons’ mom on the other hand has been extremely mean towards me for the last 5 years. She says mostly nothing but mean things about me. She left me two years ago for other men and the relationships failed. She has been hunting me down for the last month and calling and texting. I have stopped at her apt 3 within past week. I there after work for dinner last night and she asked me to give her a body massage and like a fool I said yes. I wanted to do that and run. After getting done (I had my clothes on the whole time and was kneeling on the side of her bed) she asked to give me one in return and I reluctantly said yes and before I knew it, she was sucking my d*** and wanted ex. did say no and stopped her but somehow it happened later and with no protection.
She wants to get back with me really bad. She says she wants to raise the sons with me. She claims men she has dated have been mean to her and the kids or no good. She said we need to work this out and get married and have two more kids. She is 20 years younger than I. She has done me wrong in so many ways that nobody who knows me can encourage me to be with her. Even my parents and older daughters say no way.
My dilemma is this; how could I cheat on the woman who has meant everything to me for the last 9 months so easily? Who could raise my kids for me if I don't get back with their mom? My kids’ mom and I have broken up a few times and gotten back together, is it going to work this time around? Can I have s** with my girlfriend again now since am not sure what my kids mom's sexual health is (she said she is clean and had tests for school and HIV was one of them)? How hurt is my girlfriend going to be? How can I even start to tell her about this since she says I am the best man out of the 3 men she had been with in her life? What have I done?
I am really distraught about this. While it is important to raise our kids in a solid family unit, I have no clue how to handle this situation. I feel like going into a cave and just hiding there for weeks.