My Dad Commited Suicide Right In Front Of Me.
Okay, where do I begin.? My father, has been sexually abusing me since I was 10 years old, I am 13 now. I now cut myself because of what my dad has done to me, nobody knew but my boyfriend Logan. He told me everyday to tell my mom, and I said I cant, he will hurt or kill us. One day, September 6th 3013 at 10 am I was in science, and I was wearing short sleeves and my buddy Seth looked at my arm and said what...did you do!?! I stuttered and jerked my arm back, and said cat. And he said *my name* youre allergic to cats!!! So I told him. He said why? I said I couldnt tell him. So he so he got up and went to the Guidance councelor and told I was cutting myself, then I got called in there and I told them that the reason I cut was because mom and dad fought, my sister is mean to me, and stuff like that. Then... She called my mom! And told her, mom picked me up from school and we talked, and after a while she asked if I have ever been touched? I sat there quietly and then said no. Trying not to cry... She said are you sure? After about 5 minutes I said yes mom... I have been touched by dad. We started crying and she said we are going to leave him forever, at the time she was texting him and before I told her what he done, she said to dad "jay*** has been cutting" then dad messaged me and said "i love you so much baby girl dont hurt yourself" but anyway, she told. him what I told her, and he started calling me a lair and told me to tell mom the truth, but I ignored the texts. I sat in my room and cried, dad was at the doctors at the time, which was around 1pm, then at 2 mom left, and I just walked around... Alone, and had some food, then around 8 mom busts through the door sobbing, and my sister, and little brother and me and mom all gathered together and mom said "your daddy, was killed in a car accident!" right then, I had a feeling deep in my heart, it was my fault. He always told me if I told, I would be the death of him... And since I told, my siblings lost a dad... (they dont know what he done to me) and my mom lost a husband... How did the car accident happen? He hit a semi head on. Full speed. In a Toyota corola, RIGHT in front of our home! He was on his way home from the doctors... He was half a minute from the house.... How should I feel about all this? I loved him so much...but he hurt me, should I be sad? Or happy.....? :/