Those are all my dark secrets that clearly show what a loser with a capital "l" I am :( I'm a woman from Europe nad those are ones I never shared with anyone before. So... let's start.

1. I'll turn 30 soon but due to a bad social phobia and a total lack of social skills, I never had a bf (and believe me that I'm not asexual or anything like that; on the opposite ;) ). I had also only one friend in my life - when I was a teen. I also had a job for a year only in my life. I was bullied in it.
2. I twice was in hospital when I was a young girl and those were just because I... made up my illnesses to make people get interested in me.
3. I'm a weirdo and a VERY socially awkward due to this, I have some neurodevelopmental disorder which is most likely a low functioning Aspergers or at least SI issues with additional OCD, ADD and social phobia. Every time I have to go out, like to see a doctor or something like that, I do it only with my mom. Heck, I don't buy clothes for myself, that's what mom does for me. I only pretend I like being on my own and people just think I'm an introvert. I'm very immature, though as a kid and teen, it was on the opposite- I was VERY mature.
4. In high school every year I barely managed to avoid repeating a year due to maths problems - and I was a smart child, I was gifted, I could read at 3 as well as I do now. I'm very talented in the field of literature though, if I wanted, I could be a writer and I will be one day.
5. At 20 I told my mom I was attacked by a stranger who beat me up and tore off my clothes - I made it up to excuse myself for my being lost for two days in the woods near our relatives' house, whom we were visiting then. Mom would get so angry for my being just lost. So I told her some crazy guy assaulted me in there when I was picking up berries. And I barely avoided going to the police my mom insisted on.
6. I happened to be a troll a couple of times, I made up crazy stuff that hurt my readers.
7. I had trichotillomania as a teen, I still have a small bald spot on the top of my head I'm very embarassed of but I'm always telling people it's alopecia.
8. I have some sexual fetishes concerning violence. And I was a very h**** child. I can fall in love only with literary or movie characters - or with historical ones, NEVER in real men. Until those are celebrities who have no idea I exist.
9. I still remember painfully well my all mistakes and goofs from my teenagehood. I feel horrible when I recall then.


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  • Interacting with other people is a skill, it can be learned. For example, the next time your mom goes to buy you clothes ask if you can go with her. Pay close attention to how she interacts with the sales staff. Once you see how she does it ask if you can talk to the next sales person. Try to act the same way she did. It will feel awkward and strange at first but remember that your mom is right there to step in if you need it and it doesn't matter if the sales person thinks you're weird, you'll probably never see them again anyway.

  • But it's not about problems with buying stuff or about me being socially awkward with salesmen, that was just about me showing how bad with taking care of myself I am. I'm awkward only with people I want to socially interact with as their peer, as one of them , like with friends. I'm not considered weird by strangers but by those who know me.

  • Okay, I wasn't sure how socially inept you were so I started with something basic. The next step would be volunteer work. It's like a job except there's no pressure since you can quit at any time. (You can also put it on a resume when you're ready to look for paid employment.) It will give you an opportunity to interact with people in a structured setting and you may even develop friendships.

  • Have you ever thought about sharing with your friends how you feel? or what you're struggling with? You may be surprised by how they may be able to help you. They still may not totally understand what you go through on a day to day basis, but they may have more compassion for you and not think of you as "weird". When I say compassion, I do not mean pity. I mean if your friends are true friends, they will support you. So if you find yourself in a situation and let someone know if your anxiety rises, they'll have a better idea of how to handle the situation. Just a suggestion.

  • I live in a small town so volunteering isn't an option here. Anyway, all my friends are from the net and all of those have Aspergers or are schizoids so are like me. And all of them live in different countries than me. My weirdness doesn't refer to my being a loner in this respect - I'm not perceived weird for I'm afraid of people - here I'm considered just socially inept - but it refers to my weird behaviors or comments - when I was in college I was known as that controverssial girl who always has an opinion on her own about anything and doesn't elate to people in this respect. I just give off the "I'm weak and creepy" vibe.

  • Ugh, small towns are the worst for someone who thinks differently. You'd be better off in an urban environment. With so many people you're bound to find others who think like you.

  • She doesn't have any friends right now, that's the problem.

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