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I always wanted to be bulimic
Ever since I was ten years old and my mother yelled at me for being overweight, I have always had fantasies about having an eating disorder. I would always try to starve myself as much as I could, but unfortunately, I was unable to cut myself off completely. I was in marching band in high school, so I had to keep up some kind of diet so that I wouldn't pass out. I was about 117 pounds throughout high school. I wasn't too big, though I saw myself is giant. Little did I know that I would hit a depression right after graduation and I would put on 20 pounds. Since then, my dysmorphia has been out of control.
Last week, I finally decided to do the deed. I was going to overcome my life long phobia of vomiting and I was going to purge my food. I was so ready. That is, until nothing came out. It turns out, my gag reflex doesn't trigger. I've tried everything to make myself puke, but I absolutely can't induce vomiting without endangering myself.
I can't believe that I will never, ever be able to be bulimic. I feel bad that I'm devastated.
Why would you want an eating disorder.... Throwing up can ruin your teeth as well as cause many other health issues. You need to rethink that one.