Just bored with what my life's been
Never in my early days would have I imagined I'd be where I am now. I'd be better off not remembering the promise of youth and inexperience, that way I guess I would have no regrets for the dreams and hopes that I didn't realize and experience. I am now officially done with trying to fix myself - I've come to the realization that THAT is the problem. No matter how much progress I make personally, it just seems that I'm nearing the end of my existence on the Earth and still working on improving myself. Sometimes I wish I was simple and common and average. In a way I guess I am that, but what I mean is the uncomplicated simple. If given the choice, would I choose that for myself? I don't know to be honest. How can one really tell for sure what's better? I just want to say that I'm fine just as I am. I don't care to heal the past anymore; I don't care to fix other people's problems anymore; I don't care to be dammed, a sinner, selfish; I don't care that I'm emotionally and intellectually vulnerable. I've realized that the only REAL way to REALLY live is to honor the person that I have become and chose where that will eventually take me. I may die completely wrong, but what other options are there? I mean, really? What is the alternative. These days I care for my happiness, pleasures, developing friendships, and having meaningful relationships in my life.
An aside: I love you JS - thank you.