Depression

I'm currently falling deep into the hole of depression. The reason why I feel this way is because of my stepdad. He has tortured and put me down verbally for about 9 years of my life, and I can't seem to take it anymore. Every little small thing he does adds up and piles on top of one another, and adds to the weight of my sadness. He says snarky things (he probably is glad he'll get a rise out of me)and is a complete idiot when it comes to other people's feelings. Over the past few years, I have been able to stand up for myself and I tell him outright what he says is wrong and childish. Also, I equate him with being a God, because sometimes he really acts like one, barely admitting his faults. He's also extremely hypocritical, talking down on things me, my mom and brother do when he clearly does it himself. Sometimes he just sounds like such a f****** idiot I drown him out in my mind. I wonder if it's even worth it anymore to call him on stuff, because it doesnt seem to do much good. I mean yes, we have our good times and all, but we definitely have too many disagreements. I really wish I could run away, I've thought about it so many times, or to just end my life by stabbing myself. The pain I would fell in the knife seems more enjoyable then the pain I endure every day. Of course this ***hole feels "I'm overreacting". Well that makes sense, maybe because he's the sick and twisted one causing the pain. It may only be verbal abuse, and he seems to have gotten a little better over the years, but I still feel that he's a controlling Hitler ***hole that is gonna get what he deserves.

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  • I feel your pain My Step father physically and verbally abused me for the past 10 years now i also feel depressed but you like me need to maintain hope and press foward. get a job save up your cash and move out as soon as possible thats what im doing in a few weeks

  • I'm so, so sorry... I know what you're talking about. I was never hurt intentionally by my parents, but rather by my peers at school. Beaten, physically and verbally. And honestly, the words hurt more. For five years I was falling into despair and even tiny things like them looking at me made me want to kill myself. I never did, though. I want you to know what I knew at that time- That hope always exists. Even though I could never find it, I could never see or feel it, I always knew that hope existed somewhere, sometime, and that I need to keep living if I ever want to see it. You're right. He is going to get what he deserves. You're right. The pain from the knife isn't as bad as the pain of the abuse. But... The happiness the future holds is the ultimate guarantee. The ultimate hope. The pain of the knife ends everything. Ends it all before that happiness finds you. And seriously, it will. I'm still waiting for mine to come; and I know it will someday. You're enduring and I need you to continue to do so- find your happiness.

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