Account Login
I wish my stepdad would leave forever
My stepdad cleaned my room today. This is super weird. Apparently he thinks im an idiot along with yhe rest of the world. He kept saying i would never clean my room which made me feel depressed. He said that i shouldnt gt college bc im about tgt college and im always depressed and i havent combed my hair in over a week and that ill be one of those girls that when i get in there im going to kill myself. Obviously im not going to do that or i would have done that already. The only reason im depressed is becaise of him. He is litwrally the main problem i've had for most of my life. My mom never should have married him bc she was never in love with him and hes always been super mean to me and my sister and brother. I feel like everyone who doesnt know me that well tjinks that im an idiot. I asked the neighbors if i could stay with them until i go to college in three weeks and they said that it wasnt a life or death situation. So no. That im wasting my feelings on this bc its not that bad. But it is that bad and they would never know unless they were in my shoes for one day or at least knew me and my family a little better. I feel like so hurt and sad that they would even say that bc obviously im sad and feel like nothing matters anymore and unmotivated. I thought they would care about me and my feelings. But they dont. Well, at least ik that some people do. My family on my moms side cares alot about me. I just spent the first 6 weeks of summer with them. Thwy were so nice to me and loved me so much. Ive never been completely surrounded by ppl who love me before. But theyre like hundreds of miles and an 11 hr drive away. Or at least thats how it feels bc for most of my life i would wake up and go to school or whatever and then come back home and be verbally abuzed all the time, everyday. It **. No im not dying or something. But I'm still miserable. Ive had friends who tell me i should be happy bc at least my parents are still together which is stupid bc everyone has problwms and i think even if i was someome elsw who had it supposedly better than me, i would probably still be equally unhappy. But im not really sure. I think we're all given what we can handle. But idk i feel like im at the edge of my tolerance and i've come really close to attempting suicide so many times. But i kept holding on bc i knew my future would be better.
Trust me it gets better! I'm now 27, started living with my stepdad when I was 15 and it was horrible, we would argue all the time, he would basically bully me and make me feel like **, pick at me for anything, go in my room moving and cleaning things, I would cry all the time and hated how ** he made me feel, once I didn't live with him anymore it was brilliant, we actually have a friendly relationship now and to a certain extent we do get on, we're just different people and don't agree on the same things, he definitely felt jealous and acted childish at the close bond I have with Mum and that caused most of how he acted, my Mum was and is always on my side and though that caused arguments with them we always remain close and now things are even better as there isn't as much animosity between me and my step dad, we still ** about him and his ** attitude though, trust me, when you're not living with him everything will improve! Stick in there and just think about how great it's going to be once you have your own space, it gets better, youre already fantastic how you are, it's a hard age and time I know, I have suffered with depression since I can remember, the best advice I can give is to learn to take care of your own mental health so you don't need anyone else to make you feel great! Meditation, reading, movies, yoga, walking, running, they help! You have this whole life ahead of you, take a deep breath, put your headphones on and listen to something that makes you happy and prepare for all the fun and fantastc times ahead! ** everyone that isn't on your side or is just a total **, they have their own ** they're dealing with badly, I care, I want you to succeed, you got this! :)