One sided love

About a year and a half ago i fell in love with a boy a few years older than me (i was 15 and he was 18)
At first, i thought of it as no more than a stupid crush that would soon go away seen as we don't actually know each other. He lives on the other side of the world and could have any girl he would ever want
To be completely honest, hes a celebrity in the East Asian entertainment business, which makes me sound like an idiot and just mental, like, how can you fall in love with someone you don't know, furthermore, someone famous?
Well, you can.
Now, this is where i pour out my heart out to the internet, so prepare.
When i see his smile, I smile
when i hear his voice, i feel butterflies in my stomach
when i see him perform, i feel happy
I want to feel all this when im with someone else, so that i can feel actual love, not love towards someone I can't reach.
right now, i feel like an idiot for hoping for the impossible, that I've cried for this boy in the past and i want to get over it
but I can't
theres something about this boy that makes me weak and makes my heart pound like crazy. He makes me feel like no one else can even though he is nowhere close to me and he doesnt know who i am, only ever being able to call me a fan.
As much as it makes me sound like a compelete idiot, its not something that i can stop myself from feeling, i fell in love with him and I can't do anything about it, no matter how much i want to move on from this one sided, basically irrelevant, love, I can't
I will continue to admire him from afar and hope to meet him at an event to feel his presence for even a split second, just to say hi and smile at him one time

I know im an idiot, but the internet is the only place where i can really confess what i feel.

Feb 5, 2017

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