Growing Up?

I confess that I am afraid to grow up. It's really one of the very few things I'm scared of. I'm not afraid to die, I'm not afraid to be alone, I'm not afraid of clowns or spiders, I'm just afraid to grow up. Since I was 9, I always used to say , "I can't wait till I can drive and live and be free." And I think everyone or most of us says this when we're little. But then we grow up, we get bills, and a job, and bad relationships. We get debt, emotional, physical, and mental debt that we have to live with. But we can also get fame, fortune, or the love of our lives. It's like a 50/50 shot at happiness, and you decide which side of that 50 you'll land on. I like the feeling of "home". "Home" is like a nice little safety net to fall into when you're falling apart. Granted, some people grow up with no home, therefore, no safety net. I have all these dreams and hopes and wishes to be so many different things. I have recently applied to a boarding school as a day student since I live in the town of the boarding school and I have realized how fierce the competition is nowadays. There's kids who are so smart, granted I am smart, but there's kids reciting random literature with words I've never even heard of, speaking 5 different languages mixed up at random for fun to their friends, doing college math they have't even reached high school yet,learning to play 3 different instruments at a time, while I'm just above average. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm afraid to grow up and yet not grow up if that makes sense. I've always said I want to be a big girl, and now here I am, less than a month away from being 14 years old, and I'm being forced to grow up. I've always had expectations, and my expectations from others and myself are now higher than ever. I want to know if it ever becomes easier to transition into adulthood/teenage years. If you get used to it eventually and just sorta get over the fact that you can't be a little kid anymore. I don't want to be mature all of the time, I don't want to have to wear a blazer and knee high socks everyday, I want to be a 14 year old and wear pretty makeup and drool over silly boy bands. I want to stay a kid forever. The saying that you should enjoy your childhood while it lasts is the biggest lesson I've learned in awhile. And this is an embarrassing confession to me, because everyone hears my name and thinks "oh, her, shes really quiet, but smart. she's going places one day", which is nice and all, but for once, I just want to stop worrying about grades. Worrying about my future, and just breathe, but sadly, time doesn't exactly have a pause button or a slow down button.All of my friends are just like "breathe. your young! have fun and make mistakes". But would if I don't want to make mistakes, would if I make too big of a mistake? I can't afford to make a big mistake if I'm still cleaning up after my last one.Can anyone offer any advice about an easy way to grow up?


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  • You are already grown up in more ways then one. You are an intelligent, deep thinking and very self aware young lady. I did not know anyone like you when I was that age. You do need to stop worrying. Trust me when I saw in 10 years nobody is going to remember what grade you got on your next test. The one grade won't make a difference. Slow down. Don't be afraid to make a few mistakes. You're human. You're supposed to. you can fix your mistakes or worry about them later. Trust me when I say time speeds up in ways you never thought possible once you get older. Don't speed it up too soon. You're young. Stay young while you can.

  • God I wish I could, mostly I'm still struggling myself with finding a way to grow up gracefully. I'm 21 going on 22 and everyone tells me that I'm an adult, but I don't really feel like one half of the time and other times I wish they would leave me alone so I can do me. The future is just so full of so many uncertainties that it makes it hard to be serious sometimes, because you think you have all of the time in the world, and that if anything important was going to happen it would come to you. I do know that when I'm around serious minded people, who take in everything with a determined purpose, I start to feel more purposeful in what I am doing, and when I'm around people who are just joking around I find myself loosening up until I can't seem to take anything serious. I found that both types have been a big help to me so far in my journey to adulthood. And if anything use them as a guide, the serious people are the ones to follow when you want things done, and the joking people are the ones you look at to know what not to do. In that way give or take you'll be able to shape yourself until you can stand firm on your own two feet without the support. Good luck. Stay young, grow old, the choice is up to you.

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