Sexually Active Child

WARNING: this will contain graphic descriptions of child abuse.

When I was six years old (I am a male), I was sexually abused as a child by my grandfather and also my best friend's dad. I didn't understand that it was something wrong at the time. They would make me hold their penises in my hand and sometimes I would lick their penises, too. A few times they would slowly finger me with one finger.

Not knowing this was wrong, I then went to my friends to try these things with them. We would put each others fingers into each other's anuses and sometimes smell the finger afterwards, as that what my friend's father did - and so I thought that was normal. We also used to put each other's penises into each other's mouths, as well. This was when I was merely six.

As I grew older, I made other male friends and did the same with them. The "putting each other's penises in our mouths" started to become more erotic but I still wasn't aware that I was doing something wrong. At around age 11, I had a male friend and we used to perform rimjobs on each other and suck each other's penises.
Again, I did not know that this was abnormal or wrong until I was about 12 or 13. This is when I learned about sexual abuse and what those monsters had done to me.

To this day, I feel horrified about what I convinced those other kids to do. I didn't force them, but I acted as if it was a game, because to me, it was. However how many of those boys now look back in shame and horror? How many of them repress these memories as they are ashamed of themselves?

I really hope I didn't do them any harm. I hope they understand that I didn't know what I was doing, either.

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  • I am so sorry that happened to you. I understand your guilt, but as you said you didn't know what you were doing was frowned upon. I send you a hug and hope one day you can get over this guilt.

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