I think I just need this off my chest

At 15 I started seriously contemplating suicide as a logical option to save myself all the trouble I could see for myself in the future. I made an attempt at 16 which neither my family or friends ever found out about. At 17 after I was arrested I had a plan in place but before I could do it, I was given a pitbull puppy by an acquaintance to look after for a week. It was all I needed. When I gave the puppy, Lily, back, it was killed in a car accident only a few days later.
I got 2 dogs of my own and moved out so that I would have to continue living - with the vague hope that I was holding out for bigger and better things.
Now at 20, I just wish I'd taken my life when I had a chance.
I think the strange thing about this is that my reason for not wanting to live anymore is that I don't see a purpose for me in this world - not any sort of particular traumatic event. I don't like the state of the planet & politics I see around me, don't get along well with family, and I have no close friends. I found my soul mate and let him slip away because I selfishly moved 1200 miles away for a career that didn't pan out. By the time I came back it was too late.
I'll stay here for my dogs because that is my promise to them - they're both about 3 now, but it's painful being trapped here.

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  • You should find a purpose. Volunteer some time somewhere you feel mattered. If you can't feel good about yourself, how do you expect to have anyone want to feel good around you?

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